He swiveled his eyes back to Mike, almost defiantly, as if he expected the other man to laugh at him. But Mike only sat there, waiting, and Simpson looked away once more, gazing back into the distance across the vista of vanished years.
“And then, one day, I found out it doesn’t always matter whether or not you’re good. I never did find out whether it was a communications screw-up, or an intelligence failure, or just plain stupidity, but we were ordered to move in to cover what was supposed to be the extraction of a battalion of ARVN paratroopers . . . and found out it was a battalion of North Viet regulars, instead.
“They blew the crap out of us. I lost three boats, almost a third of my people, and my right foot.”
Despite himself, Mike stiffened in surprise, and Simpson chuckled mirthlessly.
“Oh, yes. I do so well with my prosthesis that no one ever guesses, but it’s nylon from right about here.” He leaned over and rapped his right calf just above the ankle. The sound was surprisingly loud and hollow.
“That was the end of my Vietnam tour,” he went on after a moment. “Almost the end of my career, for that matter. They wanted to give me a medical retirement. Seemed surprised when I turned it down, actually. But the loss of the foot, coupled with the McNamara build-down and the general reductions in manpower after Vietnam, changed my plans. I went into engineering, instead, which is what led me to the Pentagon. And you know what? I was good at that, too. Very good. Had a promising future.
“And then, just about the time I was put on the captain’s list, my older brother was killed in a plane accident. Thomas was the one who’d been going to take over from my father. That was why I’d been free to be the one to pursue a Navy career. But now Thomas was gone, and I didn’t have any other brothers, which made me the only choice to manage the family business interests. So I resigned my commission, went home to Pittsburgh, and took over when my father retired.”
He was silent for two or three endless minutes, then shrugged.
“Sometimes,” he said softly, “I think that’s where Tom and I first got into trouble. I was so pissed off with him because he didn’t want the Navy or the business. He wanted to play football, from the time he was just a kid, and I never understood. Mary did. Or, at least, I think she came closer to understanding than I did. And probably it was my fault. I was never very good at putting things into words to begin with, and I never really talked to Tom. I talked at him. I told him what I expected him to do, but I never got around to explaining why I wanted him to do it. Just like I never told him about my own Navy career, or even exactly how I came to lose my foot. I wanted . . . I wanted him to be like me. To realize that sometimes you have to give up a dream because you have responsibilities. To recognize how ‘silly’ it was to be so focused on playing a stupid game instead of preparing himself for his ‘real’ career. And I was so busy wanting him to do those things that I never quite got around to recognizing the sheer determination and discipline he was showing in pursuit of what he wanted to do with his life.”
He was silent again, still gazing frowningly into the past. Then he inhaled sharply and gave himself a vigorous shake.
“Anyway,” he said briskly, “that’s the deep, dark secret of my naval past.”
He smiled tightly, a man uncomfortable with confidences settling back into his familiar armor, and Mike nodded in acceptance. He wondered how much of Simpson’s willingness to reveal his past stemmed from Mike’s own effort to help him find reconciliation with his son. A lot of it, he suspected. But not all. Perhaps not even the majority of it. No, the real source, Mike thought, was the two youthful lieutenants at Wismar. Lieutenants even younger than he had been on a muddy, bloodsoaked river three and a half decades before.