She regretted the thought immediately, a rumination both uncharitable and harsh, but she found she could not dispel it entirely.
Still, was Robert’s truth any less valid in determining the worth of Gran’s life than her own?
Robert cleared his throat to regain her attention. She looked at him. “I’ll think about it,” she said.
“Good. ‘Cause there are a lot of memories in that house, Nest.”
“Yes, there are.” she thought, looking off into the sun-streaked trees to where the river was a blue glint through the dark limbs. But not all the memories were ones she wanted to keep, and perhaps memories alone were not enough in any case. There was a lack of substance in memories and a danger in embracing them. You did not want to be tied too closely to something you could never recapture.
“I wouldn’t sell if it was me, you know,” Robert persisted. “I wouldn’t sell unless I didn’t have a choice.”
He was pushing his luck, irritating her with his insistence on making the decision far her, on assuming she couldn’t think it through as carefully as he could and needed his advice. It was typical Robert.
She gave him a look and dared him to speak. To his credit, he didn’t. “Let’s go.” she said.
They walked bade through the cemetery in silence, climbed the fence a second time, and crossed the park. The crossbar was raised now, and a few cars had driven in. One or two families were playing on the swing sets, and a picnic was being spread in a sunny spot across from the Sinnissippi burial mounds. Nest thought suddenly of Two Bears, of O’olish Amaneh, the last of the Sinnissippi. She hadn’t thought of him in a long time. She hadn’t seen him in five years. Now and then she wondered what had become of him. As she wondered what had become of John Ross, the Knight of the Word, the memories flooded through her.
At the hedgerow bordering her yard, she leaned over impulsively and gave Robert a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for coming by. It was sweet of you.”
Robert looked flustered. He was being dismissed, and he wasn’t ready for that. “Uh, are you, do you have any plans for the rest of the day? Or anything?”
“Or anything?” she repeated.
“Well, lunch, maybe. You know what I mean.”
She knew exactly. She knew better than he did. Robert would never change. The best thing she could do for them both was not to encourage him.
“I’ll call you if I get some time later, okay?”
It had to be okay, of course, so Robert shrugged and nodded. “If it doesn’t work out, I’ll see you at Thanksgiving. Or Christmas.”
She nodded. “I’ll drop you a note at school. Study hard, Robert. I need to know you’re out there setting an example for the rest of us.”
He grinned, regaining a bit of his lost composure. “It’s a heck of a burden, but I try.” He began to move away into the park. “See you, Nest.” He tossed back his long blond hair and gave her a jaunty wave.
She watched him walk down the service road that ran behind her backyard, then cut across the park toward his home, which lay beyond the woods at the east end. He grew smaller and less distinct as he went, receding slowly into the distance. It was like watching her past fade before her eyes. Even when she saw him again, it would not be the same. She knew it instinctively. They would be different people leading different lives, and there would be no going back to the lives they had lived as children.
Her throat tightened, and she took a deep breath. Oh, Robert!
She waited a moment longer, letting the memories flood through her one final time, then turned away.
CHAPTER 3
As Nest pushed through the hedgerow into her backyard, Pick dropped from the branches onto her shoulder with a pronounced grunt.
“That boy is sweet on you. Sweet, sweet, sweet.”
Pick’s voice was harried and thin, and when he spoke he sounded like one of those fuzzy creatures on Sesame Street. Nest thought he wouldn’t be so smug if he could hear himself on tape sometime.