The first piece I have handled is that of Tom Thumb, whose author was a Pythagorean philosopher. This dark treatise contains the whole scheme of the Metempsychosis, deducing the progress of the soul through all her stages.
The next is Dr. Faustus, penned by Artephius, an author bonae notae, and an adeptus; he published it in the nine hundred eighty-fourth year of his age;[13] this writer proceeds wholly by reincrudation, or in the via humida; and the marriage between Faustus and Helen does most conspicuously dilucidate the fermenting of the male and female dragon.
Whittington and his Cat is the work of that mysterious rabbi, Jehuda Hannasi, containing a defence of the Gemara of the Jerusalem Mishna, and its just preference to that of Babylon, contrary to the vulgar opinion.
The Hind and Panther. This is the masterpiece of a famous writer now living,[14] intended for a complete abstract of sixteen thousand schoolmen from Scotus to Bellarmine.
Tommy Potts.[15] Another piece supposed by the same hand, by way of supplement to the former.
The Wise Men of Gotham, cum appendice. This is a treatise of immense erudition, being the great original and fountain of those arguments, bandied about both in France and England, for a just defence of the moderns’ learning and wit, against the presumption, the pride, and the ignorance of the ancients. This unknown author hath so exhausted the subject, that a penetrating reader will easily discover whatever hath been written since upon that dispute, to be little more than repetition. An abstract of this treatise hath been lately published by a worthy member of our society.[16]
These notices may serve to give the learned reader an idea as well as a taste of what the whole work is likely to produce; wherein I have now altogether circumscribed my thoughts and my studies; and if I can bring it to a perfection before I die, shall reckon I have well employed the poor remains of an unfortunate life.[l7] This indeed is more than I can justly expect from a quill worn to the pith in the service of the state, in pros and cons upon Popish plots, and meal-tubs,[18] and exclusion bills, and passive obedience, and addresses of lives and fortunes, and prerogative, and property, and liberty of conscience, and letters to a friend: from an understanding and a conscience thread-bare and ragged with perpetual turning; from a head broken in a hundred places by the malignants of the opposite factions; and from a body spent with poxes ill cured, by trusting to bawds and surgeons, who (as it afterwards appeared) were professed enemies to me and the government, and revenged their party’s quarrel upon my nose and shins. Fourscore and eleven pamphlets have I written under three reigns, and for the service of six and thirty factions. But finding the state has no farther occasion for me and my ink, I retire willingly to draw it out into speculations more becoming a philosopher, having, to my unspeakable comfort, passed a long life with a conscience void of offence.
But to return. I am assured from the reader’s candor, that the brief specimen I have given, will easily clear all the rest of our society’s productions from an aspersion grown, as it is manifest, out of envy and ignorance: that they are of little farther use or value to mankind, beyond the common entertainments of their wit and their style; for these I am sure have never yet been disputed by our keenest adversaries: in both which, as well as the more profound and mystical part, I have throughout this treatise closely followed the most applauded originals. And to render all complete, I have with much thought and application of mind, so ordered, that the chief title prefixed to it (I mean, that under which I design it shall pass in the common conversations of court and town) is modelled exactly after the manner peculiar to our society. I confess to have been somewhat liberal in the business of titles,[19] having observed the humor of multiplying them, to bear great vogue among certain writers, whom I exceedingly reverence. And indeed it seems not unreasonable that books, the children of the brain, should have the honor to be christened with variety of names, as well as other infants of quality. Our famous Dryden has ventured to proceed a point farther, endeavouring to introduce also a multiplicity of god-fathers; which is an improvement of much more advantage, upon a very obvious account. ‘Tis a pity this admirable invention has not been better cultivated, so as to grow by this time into general imitation, when such an authority serves it for a precedent. Nor have my endeavours been wanting to second so useful an example. But it seems there is an unhappy expense usually annexed to the calling of a god-father, which was clearly out of my head, as it is very reasonable to believe. Where the pinch lay, I cannot certainly affirm; but having employed a world of thoughts and pains to split my treatise into forty sections, and having entreated forty lords of my acquaintance, that they would do me the honor to stand, they all made it a matter of conscience, and sent me their excuses.
1 But to return, and view the cheerful skies In this the task and mighty labour lies. [Guthkelch + Smith locate the text of this footnote in Dryden’s 1697 Translation of the Aeneid. Guthkelch + Smith, p.55. -Singh, 1996]
2 Is the mountebank’s stage, whose orators the author determines either to the gallows or a conventicle
3 In the open air, and in streets where the greatest resort is.
4 Lucretius. Lib. 2 .
5 ‘Tis certain then, that voice that thus can wound Is all material; body every sound.
6 The two principal qualifications of a fanatic preacher are, his inward light, and his head full of maggots, and the two different fates of his writings are, to be burnt or worm-eaten.
7 Here is pretended a defect in the manuscript, and this is very frequent with out author, either when he thinks he cannot say anything worth reading, or when he has no mind to enter on the subject, or when it is a matter of little moment, or perhaps to amuse his reader (whereof he is frequently very fond) or lastly, with some satirical intention.
8 Grub Street: “`Grubstreet, the name of a street in London, once inhabited by persons who wrote for hire, hence used for a paltry composition.’ Nathaniel Bailey and others, A Universal Etymological Dictionary.” Cited in Rogers, Pat Grub Street: Studies in a Subculture. London: Methuen, 1972. -Singh, 1996.
9 Will’s coffee-house was formerly the place where the poets usually met, which tho’ it be yet fresh in memory, yet in some years may be forgot, and want this explanation.
10 Viz. About moving the earth.
11 Virtuoso experiments and modern comedies.
12 The Author seems here to be mistaken, for I have seen a Latin edition of Reynard the Fox, above an hundred years old, which I take to be the original; for the rest it has been thought by many people to contain some satirical design in it.
13 He lived a thousand.
14 Viz. In the year 1698.
15 Guthkelch and Smith: “Swift refers to the ballad entitled `The Lovers Quarrel: or Cupid’s Triumph. Being the Pleasant History of fair Rosamond of Scotland. Being Daughter to the Lord Arundel, whose Love was obtained by the Valour of Tommy Pots: who conquered the Lord Phenix, and wounded him, and after obtained her to be his Wife. Being very delightful to Read. London, Printed by A.P. for F. Coles, T. Vere, and J. Wright. (?1675).” Guthkelch + Smith, p.69. -Singh, 1996.
16 This I suppose to be understood of Mr. W-tt-n’s Discourse [upon] Ancient and Modern Learning.
17 Here the author seems to personate L’Estrange, Dryden, and some others who after having passed their lives in vices, faction and falsehood, have the impudence to talk of merit and innocence and sufferings.
18 In King Charles the Second’s time, there was an account of a Presbyterian plot, found in a tub, which then made much noise.
19 The title-page in the original was so torn, that it was not possible to recover several tides which the author here speaks of.
SECTION II
ONCE upon a time, there was a man who had three sons by one wife,[1] and all at a birth, neither could the midwife tell certainly which was the eldest. Their father died while they were young, and upon his deathbed, calling the lads to him, spoke thus:
‘Sons, because I have purchased no estate, nor was born to any, I have long considered of some good legacies to bequeath you; and at last, with much care as well as expense, have provided each of you (here they are) a new coat.[2] Now, you are to understand, that these coats have two virtues contained in them: one is, that with good wearing, they will last you fresh and sound as long as you live; the other is, that they will grow in the same proportion with your bodies, lengthening and widening of themselves, so as to be always fit. Here, let me see them on you before I die. So, very well; pray children, wear them clean, and brush them often. You will find in my will[3] (here it is) full instructions in every particular concerning the wearing and management of your coats; wherein you must be very exact, to avoid the penalties I have appointed for every transgression or neglect, upon which your future fortunes will entirely depend. I have also commanded in my will, that you should live together in one house like brethren and friends, for then you will be sure to thrive, and not otherwise.’