DILLYTOP (n.)
The kind of bath plug which for some unaccountable reason is actually designed to sit on top of the hole rather than fit into it.
DIBBLE (vb.)
To try to remove a sticky something from one hand with the other, thus causing it to get stuck to the other hand and eventually to anything else you try to remove it with.
DITHERINGTON (n)
Sudden access to panic experienced by one who realises that he is being drawn inexorably into a clabby (q.v.) conversion, i.e. one he has no hope of enjoying, benefiting from or understanding.
DITTISHAM (n.)
Any music you hear on the radio to which you have to listen very carefully to determine whether it is an advertising jingle or a bona fide record.
DOBWALLS (pl.n.)
The now hard-boiled bits of nastiness which have to be prised off crockery by hand after it has been through a dishwasher.
DOBWALLS (pl.n.)
The now hard-boiled bits of nastiness which have to be prised off crockery by hand after it has been through a dishwasher.
DOCKERY (n.)
Facetious behaviour adopted by an accused man in the mistaken belief that this will endear him to the judge.
DOGDYKE (vb.)
Of dog-owners, to adopt the absurd pretence that the animal shitting in the gutter is nothing to do with them.
DOLEGELLAU (n.)
The clump, or cluster, of bored, quietly enraged, mildly embarrassed men waiting for their wives to come out of a changing room in a dress shop.
DORCHESTER (n.)
A throaty cough by someone else so timed as to obscure the crucial part of the rather amusing remark you’ve just made.
DORRIDGE (n.)
Technical term for one of the lame excuses written in very small print on the side of packets of food or washing powder to explain why there’s hardly anything inside. Examples include ‘Contents may have settled in transit’ and ‘To keep each biscuit fresh they have been individually wrapped in silver paper and cellophane and separated with corrugated lining, a cardboard flap, and heavy industrial tyres’.
DRAFFAN (n.)
An infuriating person who always manages to look much more dashing that anyone else by turning up unshaven and hangover at a formal party.
DREBLEY (n.)
Name for a shop which is supposed to be witty but is in fact wearisome, e.g. ‘The Frock Exchange’, ‘Hair Apparent’, etc.
DROITWICH (n.)
A street dance. The two partners approach from opposite directions and try politely to get out of each other’s way. They step to the left, step to the right, apologise, step to the left again, apologise again, bump into each other and repeat as often as unnecessary.
DUBUQUE (n.)
A look given by a superior person to someone who has arrived wearing the wrong sort of shoes.
DUDOO (n.)
The most deformed potato in any given collection of potatoes.
DUGGLEBY (n.)
The person in front of you in the supermarket queue who has just unloaded a bulging trolley on to the conveyor belt and is now in the process of trying to work out which pocket they left their cheque book in, and indeed which pair of trousers.
DULEEK (n.)
Sudden realisation, as you lie in bed waiting for the alarm to go off, that it should have gone off an hour ago.
DULUTH (adj.)
The smell of a taxi out of which people have just got.
DUNBAR (n.) A highly specialised fiscal term used solely by turnstile operatives at Regnet’s Part zoo. It refers to the variable amount of increase in the variable gate takings on a Sunday afternoon, caused by persons going to the zoo because they are in love and believe that the feeling of romance will be somehow enhanced by the smell of panther sweat and rank incontinence in the reptile house.
DUNBOYNE (n.)
The moment of realisation that the train you have just patiently watched pulling out of the station was the one you were meant to be on.
DUNCRAGGON (n.)
The name of Charles Bronson’s retirement cottage.
DUNGENESS (n.)
The uneasy feeling that the plastic handles of the overloaded supermarket carrier bag you are carrying are getting steadily longer.
DUNTISH (adj.)
Mentally incapacitated by severe hangover.
EAST WITTERING (n.)
The same as west wittering (q.v.) only it’s you they’ve trying to get away from.