Agatha Christie – Death On The Nile

She’s–oh, damn it, I want that girl. It mightn’t be a bad move if I tackled the old lady. If I could once get her thoroughly against me, it might cut some ice with Cornelia.” He wheeled and went into the observation saloon.

Miss Van Schuyler was seated in her usual corner. She looked even more arrogant than usual. She was knitting.

Ferguson strode up to her. Hercule Poirot, entering unobtrusively, took a seat a discreet distance away and appeared to be absorbed in a magazine.

“Good-afternoon, Miss Van Schuyler.” Miss Van Schuyler aised her eyes for a bare second, dropped them again and murmured frigidly: “Er–good-afternoon.” “Look here, Miss Van Schuyler, I want to talk to you about something pretty important. It’s just this. I want to marry your niece.” Miss Van Schuyler’s ball of wool dropped on to the ground and ran wildly across the saloon.

She said in a venomous tone: “You must be out of your senses, young man.” “Not at all. I’m determined to marry her. I’ve asked her to marry me!” Miss Van Schuyler surveyed him coldly, with the kind of speculative interest she might have accorded to an odd sort of beetle.

“Indeed? And I presume she sent you about your business.” “She refused me.” “Naturally.” “Not ‘naturally’ at all. I’m going to go on asking her till she agrees.” “I can assure you, sir, I shall take steps to see that my young cousin is not subjected to any such persecution,” said Miss Van Schuyler in a biting tone.” “What have you got against me?”

Miss Van Schuyler merely raised her eyebrows and gave a vehement tug to her wool, preparatory to regaining it and closing the interview.

“Come now,” persisted Mr. Ferguson. “What have you got against me?”

“I should think that was quite obvious, Mr.—er–I don’t know your name.” “Ferguson.”

“Mr. Ferguson.” Miss Van Schuyler uttered the name with definite distaste.

“Any such idea is quite out of the question.”

“You mean,” said Ferguson, “that I’m not good enough for her?” “I should think that would have been obvious to you.” “In what way am I not good enough?” Miss Van Schuyler again did not answer.

“I’ve got two legs two arms, good health and quite reasonable brains. What’s wrong with that?”

“There is such a thing as social position, Mr. Ferguson.”

“Social position is bunk!”

The door swung open and Cornelia came in. She stopped dead on seeing her redoubtable Cousin Marie in conversation with her would-be suitor.

The outrageous Mr. Ferguson turned his head, grinned broadly and called out:

“Come along, Cornelia. I’m asking for your hand in marriage in the best conventional manner.”

“Cornelia,” said Miss Van Schuyler, and her voice was truly awful in quality. “Have you encouraged this young man?”

“I–no, of course not–at least–not exactly–I mean–”

“What do you mean?”

“She hasn’t encouraged me,” said Mr. Ferguson helpfully. “I’ve done it all.

She hasn’t actually pushed me in the face because she’s got too kind a heart.

Cornelia, your aunt says I’m not good enough for you. That, of course, is true, but not in the way she means it. My moral nature certainly doesn’t equal yours, but her point is that I’m hopelessly below you socially.”

“That, I think, is equally obvious to Cornelia,” said Miss Van Schuyler.

“Is it?” Mr. Ferguson looked at her searchingly. “Is that why you won’t marry me?”

“No, it isn’t.” Cornelia flushed. “If-if I liked you, I’d marry you no matter who you were.”

“But you don’t like me?”

“I–I think you’re just outrageous. The way you say things… The things you say… I–I’ve never met any one the least like you. I–”

Tears threatened to overcome her. She rushed from the room.

“On the whole,” said Mr. Ferguson, “that’s not too bad for a start.” He leaned back in his chair, gazed at the ceiling, whistled, crossed his disreputable knees and remarked, “I’ll be calling you Auntie yet.”

Miss Van Schuyler trembled with rage.

“Leave this room at once, sir, or I’ll ring for the steward.”

“I’ve paid for my ticket,” said Mr. Ferguson. “They can’t possibly turn me out of the public lounge. But I’ll humour you.” He sang softly, “Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum.” Rising, he sauntered nonchalantly to the door and passed out.