Alonzo Fitz and Other Stories by Mark Twain

beth Young, and did demand one bushel of yams in satisfaction of the

damage done.” But Elizabeth Young considered the demand exorbitant; the

parties could not agree; therefore Christian brought suit in the courts.

He lost his case in the justice’s court; at least, he was awarded only a

half-peck of yams, which he considered insufficient, and in the nature of

a defeat. He appealed. The case lingered several years in an ascending

grade of courts, and always resulted in decrees sustaining the original

verdict; and finally the thing got into the supreme court, and there it

stuck for twenty years. But last summer, even the supreme court managed

to arrive at a decision at last. Once more the original verdict was

sustained. Christian then said he was satisfied; but Stavely was

present, and whispered to him and to his lawyer, suggesting, “as a mere

form,” that the original law be exhibited, in order to make sure that it

still existed. It seemed an odd idea, but an ingenious one. So the

demand was made. A messenger was sent to the magistrate’s house; he

presently returned with the tidings that it had disappeared from among

the state archives.

The court now pronounced its late decision void, since it had been made

under a law which had no actual existence.

Great excitement ensued immediately. The news swept abroad over the

whole island that the palladium of the public liberties was lost–maybe

treasonably destroyed. Within thirty minutes almost the entire nation

were in the court-room–that is to say, the church. The impeachment of

the chief magistrate followed, upon Stavely’s motion. The accused met

his misfortune with the dignity which became his great office. He did

not plead, or even argue; he offered the simple defense that he had not

meddled with the missing law; that he had kept the state archives in the

same candle-box that had been used as their depository from the

beginning; and that he was innocent of the removal or destruction of the

lost document.

But nothing could save him; he was found guilty of misprision of treason,

and degraded from his office, and all his property was confiscated.

The lamest part of the whole shameful matter was the reason suggested by

his enemies for his destruction of the law, to wit: that he did it to

favor Christian, because Christian was his cousin! Whereas Stavely was

the only individual in the entire nation who was not his cousin. The

reader must remember that all these people are the descendants of half a

dozen men; that the first children intermarried together and bore

grandchildren to the mutineers; that these grandchildren intermarried;

after them, great and great-great-grandchildren intermarried; so that to-

day everybody is blood kin to everybody. Moreover, the relationships are

wonderfully, even astoundingly, mixed up and complicated. A stranger,

for instance, says to an islander:

“You speak of that young woman as your cousin; a while ago you called her

your aunt.”

“Well, she is my aunt, and my cousin, too. And also my stepsister, my

niece, my fourth cousin, my thirty-third cousin, my forty-second cousin,

my great-aunt, my grandmother, my widowed sister-in-law–and next week

she will be my wife.”

So the charge of nepotism against the chief magistrate was weak. But no

matter; weak or strong, it suited Stavely. Stavely was immediately

elected to the vacant magistracy, and, oozing reform from every pore, he

went vigorously to work. In no long time religious services raged

everywhere and unceasingly. By command, the second prayer of the Sunday

morning service, which had customarily endured some thirty-five or forty

minutes, and had pleaded for the world, first by continent and then by

national and tribal detail, was extended to an hour and a half, and made

to include supplications in behalf of the possible peoples in the several

planets. Everybody was pleased with this; everybody said, “Now this is

something like.” By command, the usual three-hour sermons were doubled

in length. The nation came in a body to testify their gratitude to the

new magistrate. The old law forbidding cooking on the Sabbath was

extended to the prohibition of eating, also. By command, Sunday-school

was privileged to spread over into the week. The joy of all classes was

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