without suffocating a single h, these two people are manifestly talking
two different languages. But if the signs are to he trusted, even your
educated classes used to drop the ‘h.’ They say humble, now, and heroic,
and historic etc., but I judge that they used to drop those h’s because
your writers still keep up the fashion of patting an before those words
instead of a. This is what Mr. Darwin might call a ‘rudimentary’ sign
that as an was justifiable once, and useful when your educated classes
used ,to say ‘umble, and ‘eroic, and ‘istorical. Correct writers of the
American language do not put an before three words.”
The English gentleman had something to say upon this matter, but never
mind what he said–I’m not arguing his case. I have him at a
disadvantage, now. I proceeded:
“In England you encourage an orator by exclaiming, ‘H’yaah! h’yaah!’
We pronounce it heer in some sections, ‘h’yer’ in others, and so on; but
our whites do not say ‘h’yaah,’ pronouncing the a’s like the a in ah.
I have heard English ladies say ‘don’t you’–making two separate and
distinct words of it; your Mr. Burnand has satirized it. But we always
say ‘dontchu.’ This is much better. Your ladies say, ‘Oh, it’s oful
nice!’ Ours say, ‘Oh, it’s awful nice!’ We say, ‘Four hundred,’ you say
‘For’–as in the word or. Your clergymen speak of ‘the Lawd,’ ours of
‘the Lord’; yours speak of ‘the gawds of the heathen,’ ours of ‘the gods
of the heathen.’ When you are exhausted, you say you are ‘knocked up.’
We don’t. When you say you will do a thing ‘directly,’ you mean
‘immediately’; in the American language–generally speaking–the word
signifies ‘after a little.’ When you say ‘clever,’ you mean ‘capable’;
with us the word used to mean ‘accommodating,’ but I don’t know what it
means now. Your word ‘stout’ means ‘fleshy’; our word ‘stout’ usually
means ‘strong.’ Your words ‘gentleman’ and ‘lady’ have a very restricted
meaning; with us they include the barmaid, butcher, burglar, harlot, and
horse-thief. You say, ‘I haven’t got any stockings on,’ ‘I haven’t got
any memory,’ ‘I haven’t got any money in my purse; we usually say, ‘I
haven’t any stockings on,’ ‘I haven’t any memory,!’ ‘I haven’t any money
in my purse.’ You say ‘out of window’; we always put in a the. If one
asks ‘How old is that man?’ the Briton answers, ‘He will be about forty’;
in the American language we should say, ‘He is about forty.’ However,
I won’t tire you, sir; but if I wanted to, I could pile up differences
here until I not only convinced you that English and American are
separate languages, but that when I speak my native tongue in its utmost
purity an Englishman can’t understand me at all.”
“I don’t wish to flatter you, but it is about all I can do to understand
you now.”
That was a very pretty compliment, and it put us on the pleasantest terms
directly–I use the word in the English sense.
[Later–1882. Esthetes in many of our schools are now beginning to teach
the pupils to broaden the ‘a,’ and to say “don’t you,” in the elegant
foreign way.]
ROGERS
This Man Rogers happened upon me and introduced himself at the town
of —–, in the South of England, where I stayed awhile. His stepfather
had married a distant relative of mine who was afterward hanged; and so
he seemed to think a blood relationship existed between us. He came in
every day and sat down and talked. Of all the bland, serene human
curiosities I ever saw, I think he was the chiefest. He desired to look
at my new chimney-pot hat. I was very willing, for I thought he would
notice the name of the great Oxford Street hatter in it, and respect me
accordingly. But he turned it about with a sort of grave compassion,
pointed out two or three blemishes, and said that I, being so recently
arrived, could not be expected to know where to supply myself. Said he
would send me the address of his hatter. Then he said, “Pardon me,” and
proceeded to cut a neat circle of red tissue paper; daintily notched the