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At five-thirty, he made his way to the appointed place,
wondering what it could be that could make her so pale and
concerned. Yet at the same time saying to himself that if
this other dream in regard to Sondra were to come true he
must not let himself be reëntangled by any great or moving
sympathy—must maintain his new poise and distance so
that Roberta could see that he no longer cared for her as he
had. Reaching the appointed place at six o’clock, he found
her leaning disconsolately against a tree in the shadow.
She looked distraught, despondent.
“Why, what’s the matter, Bert? What are you so frightened
about? What’s happened?”
Even his obviously dwindling affection was restimulated by
her quite visible need of help.
“Oh, Clyde,” she said at last, “I hardly know how to tell you.
It’s so terrible for me if it’s so.” Her voice, tense and yet low,
was in itself a clear proof of her anguish and uncertainty.
“Why, what is it, Bert? Why don’t you tell me?” he
reiterated, briskly and yet cautiously, essaying an air of
detached assurance which he could not quite manage in
this instance. “What’s wrong? What are you so excited
about? You’re all trembly.”
Because of the fact that never before in all his life had he
been confronted by any such predicament as this, it did not
even now occur to him just what the true difficulty could be.
At the same time, being rather estranged and hence
embarrassed by his recent treatment of her, he was
puzzled as to just what attitude to assume in a situation
where obviously something was wrong. Being sensitive to
conventional or moral stimuli as he still was, he could not
quite achieve a discreditable thing, even where his own
highest ambitions were involved, without a measure of
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regret or at least shame. Also he was so anxious to keep
his dinner engagement and not to be further involved that
his manner was impatient. It did not escape Roberta.
“You know, Clyde,” she pleaded, both earnestly and
eagerly, the very difficulty of her state encouraging her to be
bold and demanding, “you said if anything went wrong
you’d help me.”
At once, because of those recent few and, as he now saw
them, foolish visits to her room, on which occasions
because of some remaining sentiment and desire on the
part of both he had been betrayed into sporadic and
decidedly unwise physical relations with her, he now
realized what the difficulty was. And that it was a severe,
compelling, dangerous difficulty, if it were true. Also that he
was to blame and that here was a real predicament that
must be overcome, and that quickly, unless a still greater
danger was to be faced. Yet, simultaneously, his very
recent and yet decidedly compelling indifference dictating,
he was almost ready now to assume that this might be little
more than a ruse or lovelorn device or bit of strategy
intended to retain or reënlist his interest in spite of himself—
a thought which he was only in part ready to harbor. Her
manner was too dejected and despairing. And with the first
dim realization of how disastrous such a complication as
this might prove to be in his case, he began to be
somewhat more alarmed than irritated. So much so that he
exclaimed:
“Yes, but how do you know that there is anything wrong?
You can’t be sure so soon as all this, can you? How can
you? You’ll probably be all right to-morrow, won’t you?” At
the same time his voice was beginning to suggest the
uncertainty that he felt.
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“Oh, no, I don’t think so, Clyde. I wish I did. It’s two whole
days, and it’s never been that way before.”
Her manner as she said this was so obviously dejected and
self-commiserating that at once he was compelled to
dismiss the thought of intrigue. At the same time, unwilling
to face so discouraging a fact so soon, he added: “Oh, well,
that might not mean anything, either. Girls go longer than
two days, don’t they?”
The tone, implying as it did uncertainty and non-
sophistication even, which previously had not appeared
characteristic of him, was sufficient to alarm Roberta to the
point where she exclaimed: “Oh, no, I don’t think so.
Anyhow, it would be terrible, wouldn’t it, if something were
wrong? What do you suppose I ought to do? Don’t you
know something I can take?”
At once Clyde, who had been so brisk and urgent in
establishing this relationship and had given Roberta the
impression that he was a sophisticated and masterful youth
who knew much more of life than ever she could hope to
know, and to whom all such dangers and difficulties as
were implied in the relationship could be left with impunity,
was at a loss what to do. Actually, as he himself now
realized, he was as sparingly informed in regard to the
mysteries of sex and the possible complications attending
upon such a situation as any youth of his years could well
be. True, before coming here he had browsed about
Kansas City and Chicago with such worldly-wise mentors of
the hotel bell-boy world as Ratterer, Higby, Hegglund and
others and had listened to much of their gossiping and
boasting. But their knowledge, for all their boasting, as he
now half guessed, must have related to girls who were as
careless and uninformed as themselves. And beyond those
again, although he was by no means so clearly aware of
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that fact now, lay little more than those rumored specifics
and preventatives of such quack doctors and shady
druggists and chemists as dealt with intelligences of the
Hegglund and Ratterer order. But even so, where were
such things to be obtained in a small city like Lycurgus?
Since dropping Dillard he had no intimates let alone
trustworthy friends who could be depended on to help in
such a crisis.
The best he could think of for the moment was to visit some
local or near-by druggist who might, for a price, provide him
with some worth-while prescription or information. But for
how much? And what were the dangers in connection with
such a proceeding? Did they talk? Did they ask questions?
Did they tell any one else about such inquiries or needs?
He looked so much like Gilbert Griffiths, who was so well
known in Lycurgus that any one recognizing him as Gilbert
might begin to talk of him in that way and so bring about
trouble.
And this terrible situation arising now—when in connection
with Sondra, things had advanced to the point where she
was now secretly permitting him to kiss her, and, more
pleasing still, exhibiting little evidences of her affection and
good will in the form of presents of ties, a gold pencil, a box
of most attractive handkerchiefs, all delivered to his door in
his absence with a little card with her initials, which had
caused him to feel sure that his future in connection with
her was of greater and greater promise. So much so that
even marriage, assuming that her family might not prove
too inimical and that her infatuation and diplomacy endured,
might not be beyond the bounds of possibility. He could not
be sure, of course. Her true intentions and affections so far
were veiled behind a tantalizing evasiveness which made
her all the more desirable. Yet it was these things that had
been causing him to feel that he must now, and speedily,
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553
extract himself as gracefully and unirritatingly as possible
from his intimacy with Roberta.
For that reason, therefore, he now announced, with
pretended assurance: “Well, I wouldn’t worry about it any
more to-night if I were you. You may be all right yet, you
know. You can’t be sure. Anyhow, I’ll have to have a little
time until I can see what I can do. I think I can get
something for you. But I wish you wouldn’t get so excited.”
At the same time he was far from feeling as secure as he
sounded. In fact he was very much shaken. His original
determination to have as little to do with her as possible,
was now complicated by the fact that he was confronted by
a predicament that spelled real danger to himself, unless by
some argument or assertion he could absolve himself of
any responsibility in connection with this—a possibility
which, in view of the fact that Roberta still worked for him,
that he had written her some notes, and that any least word
from her would precipitate an inquiry which would prove
fatal to him, was sufficient to cause him to feel that he must
assist her speedily and without a breath of information as to
all this leaking out in any direction. At the same time it is
only fair to say that because of all that had been between