“I didn’t swindle the twins out of their army. The whole idea’s preposterous, and I’m astonished to hear you parroting it. Coutzes and Bouzes simply had the misfortune of being captured while leading a reconnaissance in force, and I was forced—”
Sittas choked; spewed wine out of his mouth.
“Even Justinian doesn’t believe that malarkey!” he protested.
Belisarius smiled. “To the contrary, Sittas. I am just now returned from a formal audience with the Emperor, at which he indicated not the slightest disbelief in the official report of the battle.”
“Well, of course he didn’t! Coutzes and Bouzes are Thracian. Justinian’s Thracian.” Sittas eyed Belisarius suspiciously. “You’re Thracian too, for that matter.” He looked at Irene. “They stick together, you know.” Another swallow. “Wretched rustics! A proper Greek nobleman doesn’t stand a chance anymore.” He glared at Belisarius. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
Then, to Irene: “He probably swore an oath. He’s always swearing oaths. Swore his first oath when he was four, to a piglet. Swore he’d never let anyone eat the creature. Kept his oath, too. They say the pig’s still around, roaming the countryside, devouring everything in sight. The Bane of Thrace, the thing’s called now. The peasants are crying out for a new Hercules to come and rid them of the monster.” A belch. “That’s what comes of swearing oaths. Never touch the things, myself.”
He glared at Belisarius again, then heaved a sigh of resignation. “All right, then. Forget the juicy stuff. Tell me about the battle.”
“I’m sure you’ve already heard all about it.”
Sittas sneered. “That crap! By the time courtiers and imperial heralds get through with the tale of a battle, there’s nothing in it a soldier would recognize.” He scowled. “Unfortunately, whatever his other many talents, our Emperor is no soldier. The court’s getting worse, Belisarius. It’s getting packed with creatures like John of Cappadocia and Narses. And the most wretched crowd of quarreling churchmen you ever saw, even by the low standards of that lot.”
“Don’t underestimate Narses and John of Cappadocia,” said Irene, lightly but seriously.
“I’m not underestimating them! But—ah, never mind. Later. For the moment—” He set down his cup and leaned forward, elbows on knees. The keen eyes which now gazed at Belisarius had not the slightest trace of drunkenness in them.
Most people, upon meeting Sittas, were struck by his resemblance to a hog. The same girth, the same heavy limbs, the same pinkish hide—unusually fair for a Greek—the same jowls, blunt snoutish nose, beady little eyes. Belisarius, gazing back at his best friend, thought the resemblance wasn’t inappropriate. So long as you remembered that there are hogs, and then there are hogs. There is the slothful domestic hog in his wallow, a figure of fun and feast. And then, there is the great wild boar of the forest, whose gaze makes bowels turn to water. Whose tusks make widows and orphans.
“The battle,” commanded the boar.
Belisarius made no attempt to cut short his recital of the battle. Sittas was himself an accomplished general, and Belisarius knew full well that his friend would not tolerate an abbreviated or sanitized version of the tale. And whatever minor aspects Belisarius overlooked, Sittas was quick to bring forward by his shrewd questioning.
When he was done, Sittas leaned back in his couch and regarded Belisarius silently. Then: “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Don’t play with me, Belisarius! You provoked the Medes, when you could have stalled. And then you took enough chances to give the Fates themselves apoplexy. Why? There was no point to that battle, and you know it as well as I do.” He waved his hand disgustedly. “Oh, sure, as the courtiers never tire of saying, it’s the greatest victory over the Persians in a century. So what? We’ve been at war with Persia for two thirds of a millennia. Longer than that, for us Greeks. Never be an end to it, unless common sense suddenly rears its ugly head upon the thrones. We’re not strong enough to conquer Persia, and the Medes aren’t strong enough to conquer us. All this warring does is depopulate the border areas and drain both empires. That’s my opinion. And it’s your opinion, too, unless you’ve suddenly been seized by delusions of grandeur. So I ask again: why?”