“Wait a moment.”
She, obedient, seemed to gulp down some words which wanted to come out. He muttered: “Stay here,” and disappeared round the tree.
The water in the iron pan on the cooking fire boiled furiously, belching out volumes of white steam that mixed with the thin black thread of smoke. The old woman appeared to him through this as if in a fog, squatting on her heels, impassive and weird.
Willems came up near and asked, “Where is she?”
The woman did not even lift her head, but answered at once, readily, as though she had expected the question for a long time.
“While you were asleep under the tree, before the strange canoe came, she went out of the house. I saw her look at you and pass on with a great light in her eyes. A great light. And she went towards the place where our master Lakamba had his fruit trees. When we were many here. Many, many. Men with arms by their side. Many …men. And talk …and songs …”
She went on like that, raving gently to herself for a long time after Willems had left her.
Willems went back to his wife. He came up close to her and found he had nothing to say. Now all his faculties were concentrated upon his wish to avoid Aissa. She might stay all the morning in that grove. Why did those rascally boatmen go? He had a physical repugnance to set eyes on her. And somewhere, at the very bottom of his heart, there was a fear of her. Why? What could she do? Nothing on earth could stop him now. He felt strong, reckless, pitiless, and superior to everything. He wanted to preserve before his wife the lofty purity of his character. He thought: She does not know. Almayer held his tongue about Aissa. But if she finds out, I am lost. If it hadn’t been for the boy I would …free of both of them…. The idea darted through his head. Not he! Married…. Swore solemnly. No …sacred tie…. Looking on his wife, he felt for the first time in his life something approaching remorse. Remorse, arising from his conception of the awful nature of an oath before the altar…. She mustn’t find out…. Oh, for that boat! He must run in and get his revolver. Couldn’t think of trusting himself unarmed with those Bajow fellows. Get it now while she is away. Oh, for that boat! …He dared not go to the river and hail. He thought: She might hear me…. I’ll go and get …cartridges …then will be all ready …nothing else. No.
And while he stood meditating profoundly before he could make up his mind to run to the house, Joanna pleaded, holding to his arm—pleaded despairingly, broken-hearted, hopeless whenever she glanced up at his face, which to her seemed to wear the aspect of unforgiving rectitude, of virtuous severity, of merciless justice. And she pleaded humbly—abashed before him, before the unmoved appearance of the man she had wronged in defiance of human and divine laws. He heard not a word of what she said till she raised her voice in a final appeal—
“…Don’t you see I loved you always? They told me horrible things about you…. My own mother! They told me—you have been—you have been unfaithful to me, and I . . .”
“It’s a damned lie!” shouted Willems, waking up for a moment into righteous indignation.
“I know! I know—Be generous.—Think of my misery since you went away—Oh! I could have torn my tongue out…. I will never believe anybody—Look at the boy—Be merciful—I could never rest till I found you…. Say—a word—one word. . .”
“What the devil do you want?” exclaimed Willems, looking towards the river. “Where’s that damned boat? Why did you let them go away? You stupid!”
“Oh, Peter!—I know that in your heart you have forgiven me—You are so generous—I want to hear you say so…. Tell me—do you?”
“Yes! yes!” said Willems, impatiently. “I forgive you. Don’t be a fool.”
“Don’t go away. Don’t leave me alone here. Where is the danger? I am so frightened…. Are you alone here? Sure? … Let us go away!”