“I don’t suppose I could learn?”
She knew he cherished no hope. “No. A holothete has to start like me, early, and do hardly anything else, especially in those formative young years.”
Her eyes stung. “I’m sorry, darling. You’re good and kind and.. . how I wish you could follow along. How you deserve it.”
“You don’t wish you could go back, though, to what you were when we Side 96
Anderson, Poul – Avatar, The
met?”
“Would you?”
He could never truly summon up what had happened this day. However-
“No,” he said. “In fact, I dare not try again. That could be addictive. For me, nothing but an addiction, and to lunacy. For you -” He shrugged. “Do you know the Rubiyalt?”
“I’ve heard of it,” she said, “but I’ve had no chance to become cultured.”
He recited:
Why, lithe Soul can fling the dust aside,
And naked on the Air of Heaven ride,
Were’t not a Shane -were’t not a Shane for him in this clay carcase crippled to abide?
She nodded. “The old man told truth, didn’t he? I did read once that Omar was a mathematician and astronomer. He must have been lonely.”
“Like you, Joelle?”
“I have a few colleagues, remember. I’m teaching them-” She broke off, leaned across the desk, and said in a renewed concern:
“What about us two? We’ll be collaborating. You’re strong enough to carry on, discharge your duty, I’m certain you are. But our personal lives- What’s best for you?”
“Or for you? Let’s take that up first.”
“Anything you want, Eric. I’ll gladly be your wife, mistress, anything.”
He was quiet a while, seeking words-she supposed-that might not hurt her. None came.
“You’re telling me that you don’t care which,” he said. “You’re willing to treat me as well as you’re able, because it doesn’t greatly matter to you.”
He raised a palm to check her response. “Oh, no doubt you’d get a limited pleasure from living with me, even from my conversation. If nothing else, I’d help fill in the hours when you can’t be linked. . . until you and those fellows of yours go so far that you’ll have no time for childish things.”
“I love you,” she protested. A pair of tears broke loose.
He sighed. “I believe you. It’s simply that love isn’t important any more, beside that grandeur. I’ve felt affection for dogs I’ve kept. But-call it pride, prejudice, stubbornness, what you will-I can’t play a dog’s part.”
He rose. “We’ll doubtless have an efficient partnership till I go home,”
he ended. “Today, though, while something remains of her, I’ll tell my girl goodbye.”
She sought him. He held her while she wept. But when at length she kissed him, her lips were quite steady.
“Go back to your link for a bit,” he counselled her.
“I will,” she answered. “Thank you for saying it.”
He walked out into a wind gone cold at evening. She stood in the doorway and waved. He didn’t turn around to see. Maybe he didn’t want to know how soon the door closed on her.
XXIV
The newcomers were naturally much in demand aboard Chinook. It was thus a small surprise to Weisenberg when Rueda Suarez invited him to stop by for a drink before dinner. Entering at the agreed time, the engineer heard a folk song from the Andean altiplano throbbing at low volume and saw that the reader was screening a page of verse.
Rueda followed his glance. “Garcia Lorca,” the Peruvian said. “I am pleased to find the data bank here is well stocked: my favorites, him, Neruda, Cervantes, everyone, not to speak of music.”
“Well, we planned against possible years of being away, the same as you did,” Weisenberg answered. “Moreover, like you we hoped we’d be showing some of the human culture to nonhumans.”
“Years. . . in your case, sir? Are you not married?”
“Yes, with five good kids. But the youngest is starting in the university, the rest are entirely on their own. Sarah was slated to come along on the expedition, quartermaster. Of course, when we had to scramble as we did, I wouldn’t let her.” Weisenberg chuckled, though pain stirred beneath. “More accurately, I didn’t tell her-I skipped out, leaving a message-because a person needs a nice safe black hole to shelter in when Sarah gets her Jewish up.”