Another Fine Myth by Robert Asprin

“Step on what?” I asked, passing him.

Our approach to the patrol was noisy enough that by the time we got there, the soldiers had all stopped moving and were watching the chase. One of them, a bit less unkempt than the others, had shouldered his way to the front of the group and stood sneering at us with folded arms. From his manners, I guessed he was an officer. There was no other explanation for the others allowing him to act the way he was.

I skidded to a stop in front of him.

“We’re being chased!” I panted.

“Really? “he smiled.

“Let me handle this, kid,” Aahz mumbled, brushing me aside. “Are you the officer in charge, sir?”

” I am,” the man replied.

“Well, it seems that these . . . citizens,” he pointed disdainfully at our pursuers, “intend us bodily harm. A blatant disregard for your authority… sir!”

The mob was some ten feet distant and stood glaring alternately at us and the soldiers. I was gratified to observe that at least some of them were breathing hard.

“I suppose you’re right,” the officer yawned. “We should take a hand in this.”

“Watch this, kid,” Aahz whispered, nudging me in the ribs as the officer stepped forward to address the crowd.

“All right. You all know it is against the law for citizens to inflict injuries on each other,” he began.

The crowd began to grumble darkly, but the officer waved them into silence as he continued.

“I know, I know. We don’t like it either. If it were up to us we’d let you settle your own differences and spend our time drinking. But it’s not up to us. We have to follow the laws the same way you do, and the laws say only the military can judge and punish the citizenry.”

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