ASSIGNMENT IN ETERNITY — Robert A. Heinlein

The neo-chimp had been struggling to follow the conversation. He caught the last idea and grinned. “Jerry work! Sure Mike! Good worker.” He flexed his fingers, then made fists, displaying fully opposed thumbs.

Mr. Blakesly seemed somewhat nonplused. “Really, Mrs. van Vogel, there is no need. You see — ” He stopped.

Van Vogel had been listening irritably. His wife’s enthusiasms annoyed him, unless they were also his own. Furthermore he was beginning to blame Blakesly for his own recent extravagance and had a premonition that his wife would find some way to make him pay, very sweetly, for his indulgence.

Being annoyed with both of them, he chucked in the perfect wrong remark. “Don’t be silly, Martha. They don’t retire them; they liquidate them.”

It took a little time for the idea to soak in, but when it did she was furious.

“Why…why-I never heard of such a thing! You ought to be ashamed. You… you would shoot your own grandmother.”

“Mrs. van Vogel-please!”

“Don’t ‘Mrs. van Vogel’ me! It’s got to stop-you hear me?” She looked around at the death pens, at the milling hundreds of old workers therein. “It’s horrible.

You work them until they can’t work anymore, then you take away their little comforts, and you dispose of them. I wonder you don’t eat them!”

“They do,” her husband said brutally. “Dog food.”

“What! Well, we’ll put a stop to that!”

“Mrs. van Vogel,” Blakesly pleaded. “Let me explain.”

“Hummph! Go ahead. It had better be good.”

“Well, it’s like this — ” His eye fell on Jerry, standing with worried expression at the fence. “Scram, Joe!” Jerry shuffled away.

“Wait, Jerry!” Mrs. van Vogel called out. Jerry paused uncertainly. “Tell him to come back,’ she ordered Blakesly.

The Manager bit his lip, then called out, “Come back here.”

He was beginning definitely to dislike Mrs. van Vogel, despite his automatic tendency to genuflect in the presence of a high credit rating. To be told how to run his own business-well, now, indeed! “Mrs. van Vogel, I admire your humanitarian spirit but you don’t understand the situation. We understand our workers and do what is best for them. They die painlessly before their disabilities can trouble them. They live happy lives, happier than yours or mine. We trim off the bad part of their lives, nothing more. And don’t forget, these poor beasts would never have been born had we not arranged it.”

She shook her head. “Fiddlesticks! You’ll be quoting the Bible at me next. There will be no more of it, Mr. Blakesly. I shall hold you personally responsible.”

Blakesly looked bleak. “My responsibilities are to the directors,”

“You think so?” She opened her purse and snatched out her telephone. So great was her agitation that she did not bother to call through, but signalled the local relay operator instead. “Phoenix? Get me Great New York Murray Hill 9Q-4004, Mr. Haskell. Priority-star subscriber 777. Make it quick.” She stood there, tapping her foot and glaring, until her business manager answered.

“Haskell? This is Martha van Vogel. How much Workers, Incorporated, common do I own? No, no, never mind that-what per — cent?…so? Well, it’s not enough. I want 51% by tomorrow morning…all right, get proxies for the rest but get it …I didn’t ask you what it would cost; I said to get it. Get busy.” She disconnected abruptly and turned to her husband. “We’re leaving, Brownie, and we are taking Jerry with us. Mr. Blakesly, will you kindly have him taken out of that pen? Give him a check for the amount. Brownie.”

“Now, Martha — ”

“My mind is made up. Brownie.”

Mr. Blakesly cleared his throat. It was going to be pleasant to thwart this woman. “The workers are never sold, I’m sorry. It’s a matter of policy.”

‘*Very well then, I’ll take a permanent lease.”

“This worker has been removed from the labor market. He is not for lease.”

“Am I going to have more trouble with you?”

“If you please, Madame! This worker is not available under any terms-but, as a courtesy to you, I am willing to transfer to you indentures for him, gratis. I want you to know that the policies of this firm are formed from a very real concern for the welfare of our charges as well as from the standpoint of good business practice. We therefore reserve the right to inspect at any time to assure ourselves that you are taking proper care of this worker.” There, he told himself savagely, that will stop her clock!

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