“Two days in Mai-ke, a day and a half on the road from Attaboy—”
“No, no,” said the mystif, “I’m trying to work it out in Earth days. Right from first arriving in the Dominions.”
“We tried that in the mountains, and we didn’t get anywhere.”
“That’s because our brains were frozen stiff.”
“So have you done it?”
“Give me a little time.”
“Time, we’ve got,” Gentle said, returning his gaze to the antics of graveolents. “These little buggers’ll have grandchildren by the time the damn train arrives.”
The mystif went on with its calculations, leaving Gentle to wander back into the comparative comfort of the waiting room, which, to judge by the sheep droppings on the floor, had been used to pen entire flocks in the recent past. The zarzi followed him, buzzing around his brow. He pulled from his ill-fitting jacket (bought with money he and Pie had won gambling in Attaboy) a dog-eared copy of Fanny Hill—the only volume in English, besides Pilgrim’s Progress, which he’d been able to purchase—and used it to flail at the insects, then gave up. They’d tire of him eventually, or else he’d become immune to their attacks. Whichever; he didn’t care.
He leaned against the graffiti-covered wall and yawned. He was bored. Of all things, bored! If, when they’d first arrived in Vanaeph, Pie had suggested that a few weeks later the wonders of the Reconciled Dominions would have become tedious, Gentle would have laughed the thought off as nonsense. With a gold-green sky above and the spires of Patashoqua gleaming in the distance, the scope for adventure had seemed endless. But by the time he’d reached Beatrix—the fond memories of which had not been entirely erased by images of its ruin—he was traveling like any man in a foreign land, prepared for occasional revelations but persuaded that the nature of conscious, curious bipeds was a constant under any heaven. They’d seen a great deal in the last few days, to be sure, but nothing he might not have imagined had he not stayed at home and got seriously drunk.
Yes, there had been glorious sights. But there had also been hours of discomfort, boredom, and banality. On their way to Mai-ke, for instance, they’d been exhorted to stay in some nameless hamlet to witness the community’s festival: the annual donkey drowning. The origins of this ritual were, they were told, shrouded in fabulous mystery. They declined, Gentle remarking that this surely marked the nadir of their journey, and traveled on in the back of a wagon whose driver informed them that the vehicle had served his family for six generations as a dung carrier. He then proceeded to explain at great length the life cycle of his family’s ancient foe, the pensanu, or shite rooster, a beast that with one turd could render an entire wagonload of dung inedible. They didn’t press the man as to who in the region dined thusly, but they peered closely at their plates for many days following.
As he sat rolling the hard pellets of sheep dung under his heel, Gentle turned his thoughts to the one high point in their journey across the Third. That was the town of Ef-fatoi, which Gentle had rechristened Attaboy. It wasn’t that large—the size of Amsterdam, perhaps, and with that city’s charm—but it was a gambler’s paradise, drawing souls addicted to chance from across the Dominion. Here every game in the Imajica could be played. If your credit wasn’t good in the casinos or the cock pits, you could always find a desperate man somewhere who’d bet on the color of your next piss if it was the only game on offer. Working together with what was surely telepathic efficiency, Gentle and the mystif had made a small fortune in the city—in eight currencies, no less—enough to keep them in clothes, food, and train tickets until they reached Yzord-derrex. It wasn’t profit that had almost seduced Gentle into setting up house there, however. It was a local delicacy: a cake of strudel pastry and the honey-softened seeds of a marriage between peach and pomegranate, which he ate before they gambled to give him vim, then while they gambled to calm las nerves, and then again in celebration when they’d won. It was only when Pie assured him that the confection would be available elsewhere (and if it wasn’t they now had sufficient funds to hire their own pastry chef to make it) that Gentle was persuaded to depart. L’Himby called.