“We know that he wanted you to have it.”
“You’ll always have something to remember him by.”
It really wasn’t a bad arm. Bill bent it and flexed the fingers, still looking at it suspiciously. It felt all right. He reached out with it and grabbed a trooper’s arm and squeezed. He could feel the man’s bones grating together while he screamed and writhed. Then Bill looked closer at the hand and began to shout curses at the doctor.
“You stupid sawbones! You thoat doctorl Some big job—this is a right arms”
“So it’s a right arm-so what?”
“But you cut off my left arml Now I have two right arms …”
“Listen, there was a shortage of left arms. I’m no miracle worker. I do my best and all I get are complaints. Be happy I didn’t sew on a leg.” He leered evilly. “Or even better I didn’t sew on a …”
“It’s a good arm, Bill,” said the trooper who was rubbing his recently crushed forearm. “And you’re really lucky too. Now you can salute with either arm, no one else can do that.”
“You’re right,” Bill said humbly. “I never thought of that. I’m really very lucky.” He tried a salute with his left-right arm, and the elbow whipped up nicely and the fingertips quivered at his eyebrow. All the troopers snapped to attention and returned the salute. The door crashed open, and an officer poked his head in.
“Stand easy, men-this is just an informal visit by the Old Man.”
“Captain Zekial coming herel”
“I’ve never seen the Old Man …” The troopers chippered like birds and were as nervous as virgins at a defloration ceremony. Three more officers came through the door and finally a male nurse leading a ten-year-old moron wearing a bib and a captain’s uniform.
“Uhh … hi ya fellows … ” the captain said.
“The captain wishes to pay his respects to you all,” the first lieutenant said crisply.
“Is dat da guy in da bed … ?”
“And particularly wishes to pay his personal respects to the hero of the hour.”
“… Dere was sometin’ else but I forgot …”
“And he furthermore wishes to inform the valiant fighter who saved our ship that he is being raised in grade to Fuse Tender First Class, which increase in rank includes an automatic re-enlistment for seven years to be added to his original enlistment, and that upon dismissal from the hospital he is to go by first available transportation to the Imperial Planet of Helior, there to receive the hero’s award of the Purple Dart with Coalsack Nebula Cluster from the Emperor’s own hand.”
“… I think I gotta go to da bathroom …”
“But now the exigencies of command recall him to the bridge, and he wishes you all an affectionate farewell.”
Bill saluted with both arms, and the troopers stood at attention until the captain and his officers had gone, then the doctor dismissed the troopers as well.
“Isn’t the Old Man a little young for his post?” Bill asked. “Not as young as some,” the doctor scratched through his hypodermic needles looking for a particularly dull one for an injection. “You have to remember that all captains have to be of the nobility and even a large nobility gets stretched damn thin over a galactic empire. We take what we can get.” He found a crooked needle and clipped it to the cylinder.
“Affirm, so he’s young, but isn’t he also a little stupid for the job?”
“Watch that lese-majesty stuff, bowb! You get an empire that’s a couple of thousand years old, and you get a: nobility that keeps inbreeding, and you get some of the crunched genes and defective recessives coming out and you got a group of people that-are a little more exotic than most nut houses. There’s nothing wrong with the Old Man that a new I.Q. wouldn’t curel You should have seen the captain of the last ship I was on …” he shuddered and jabbed the needle viciously into Bill’s flesh. Bill screamed, then gloomily watched the blood drip from the hole after the hypodermic had been withdrawn.
The door closed, and Bill was alone, looking at the blank wall and his future. He was a Fuse Tender First Class, and that was nice. But the compulsory re-enlistment for seven years was not so nice. His spirits dropped. He wished he could talk to some of his old buddies, then remembered that they were all dead, and his spirits dropped even further. He tried to cheer himself up but could think of nothing to be cheery about until he discovered that he could shake hands with himself. This made him feel a little bit better.