“Uncle …” the man moaned. “Onkle, zio, tio, ujak … !”
“I suppose all you Chinger spies speak a lot of languages,” Bill said, putting on the pressure.
“Me … friend … ” the man gurgled.
“You Chinger, got three arms.”
The man writhed more, and one of his arms came off. Bill picked it up to take a close look, first kicking the gun into a far corner. “This is a phony arm,” Bill said.
“What else … ?” the man said hoarsely, fingering his neck with two real arms. “Part of the disguise. Very tricky. I can carry something and still have one arm free. How come you didn’t join the revolution?”
Bill began to sweat and cast a quick look at the cabinet that hid the guilty book. “What’re you talking about? I’m a loyal Emperor-lover …”
“Yeah, then how come you didn’t report to the G.B.I. that a Man Called X was here to enlist you?”
“How do you know that?”
“It’s our job to know everything. Here’s my identification, agent Pinkerton of the Galactic Bureau of Investigation.” He passed over a jewel-encrusted ID card with color photograph and the works.
“I just didn’t want any trouble,” Bill whined. “That’s all. I bother nobody and nobody bothers me.”
“A noble sentiment-for an anarchist! Are you an anarchist, boy?” His rapier eye pierced Bill through and through.
“No! Not that! I can’t even spell it!”
“I sure hope not. You’re a good kid, and I want to see you get along. I’m going to give you a second chance. When you see X again tell him you changed your mind and you want to join the Party. Then you join and go to work for us. Every time there is a meeting you come right back and call me on the phone; my number is written on this candy bar”-he threw the paper-wrapped slab on the desk-“memorize it, then eat it. Is that clear?”
“No. I don’t want to do it.”
“You’ll do it or I’ll have you shot for aiding-the-enemy within an hour. And as long as you’re reporting we’ll pay you a hundred bucks a month.”
“In advance?”
“In advance.” The roll of bills landed on the desk. “That’s for next month. See that you earn it.” He hung his spare arm from his shoulder, picked up the trays and was gone.
The more Bill thought about it the more he sweated and realized what a bind he was in. The last thing he wanted to do was to get mixed up in a revolution now that he had peace, job security, and unlimited . garbage, but they just wouldn’t leave him alone. If he didn’t join the Party the G.B.I. would get him into trouble, which would be a very easy thing to do, since once they discovered his real identity he was as good as dead. But there was still a chance that X would forget about him and not come back, and as long as he wasn’t asked, he couldn’t join, could he? He grasped at this enfeebled straw and hurled himself into his work to forget his troubles.
He found pay dirt almost at once in the Refuse files. After careful cross-checking he discovered that his idea had never been tried before. It took him less than an hour to gather together the material he needed, and less than three hours after that, after questioning everyone he passed and tramping endless miles, he found his way to Basurero’s office.
“Now find your way back to your own office,” Basurero grumbled, “can’t you see I’m busy.” With palsied fingers he poured another three inches of Old Organic Poison into his glass and drained it.
“You can forget your troubles-”
“What else do you think I’m trying to do? Blow.”
“Not before I’ve shown you this. A new way to get rid of the plastic trays.”
Basurero lurched to his feet, and the bottle tumbled unnoticed to the floor, where its spilled contents began eating a hole in the teflon covering. “You mean it? Positive? You have a new sholution … ?”
“Positive.”
“I wish I didn’ have to do this-” Basurero shuddered and took from the shelf a jar labeled SOBERING-EFFECT, THE ORIGINAL INSTANT CURE FOR INEBRIATION-NOT TO BE TAKEN WITHOUT A DOCTORS PRESCRIPTION AND A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY. He extracted a polka-dotted, walnut-sized pill, looked at it, shuddered, then swallowed it with a painful gulp. His entire body instantly began to vibrate, and he closed his eyes as something went gmmmmph deep inside him and a thin trickle of smoke came from hid ears. When he opened his eyes again they were bright red but sober. “What is it?” he asked hoarsely.