“And is he responsible for the late hours you’ve been keeping?”
Her eyes flashed suddenly, amused. “This morning, you mean?”
“Either you’re naive or you think he is. That is a dangerous man, Djan.”
The humor died out of her eyes. “Well, you’re one to talk about the dangers of involvement with the nemet.”
“You’re facing the danger of a foreign war and you need the goodwill of the Indras Families, but you keep company with a man who talks of killing Indras and burning the fleet.”
“Words. If the Indras are concerned, good. I didn’t create this situation; I walked into it as it is. I’m trying to hold this city together. There will be no war if it stays together. And it will stay together if the Indras come to their senses and give the Sufaki justice.”
“They might, if Shan t’Tefur were out of it. Send him on a long voyage somewhere. If he stays in Nephane and kills someone-which is likely, sooner or later-then you’re going to have to apply the law to him without mercy. And that will put you in a difficult position, won’t it?”
“Kurt.” She put down the cup. “Do you want fighting in this city? Then let’s just start dealing like that with both sides, one ultimatum to Shan to get out, one to Nym, to be fair-and there won’t be a stone standing in Nephane when the smoke clears.”
“Try closing your bedroom to Shan t’Tefur,” he said, “for a start. Your credibility among the Families is in rags as long as you’re Shan t’Tefur’s mistress.”
It hurt her. He had thought it could not, and suddenly he perceived she was less armored than he had believed. . “You’ve given your advice,” she said. “Go back to Elas.” “Djan-” “Out.”
“Djan, you talk about the sanctity of local culture, the balance of powers, but you seem to think you can pick and choose the rules you like. In some measure I don’t blame Shan t’Tefur. You’ll be the death of him before you’re done, playing on his ambitions and his pride and then refusing to abide by the customs he knows. You know what you’re doing to him? You know what it is to a man of the nemet that you take him for a lover and then play politics with him?” “I told him fairly that he had no claim on me. He chose.” “Do you think a nemet is really capable of believing that? And do you think that he believes now he has no just claim on the Methi’s loyalty, whatever he does in your name? He’ll push you someday to the point where you have to choose. He’s not going to let you have your own way with him forever.”
“He knows how things are.”
“Then ask yourself why he comer running when you call him to your bed, and if you discover it’s not your considerable personal attractions, don’t say I didn’t warn you. A nemet doesn’t take that kind of treatment, not without some compelling reason. If this is your method of controlling the Sufaki, you’ve picked the wrong man.”
“Nevertheless”-her voice acquired a tremor that she tried to suppress-“my mistakes are my choice.” “Will that undo someone’s dying?”
“My choice,” she insisted, with such intensity that it gave him pause.
“You’re not in love with him?” It was question and plea at once. “You’re too sensible for that, Djan. You said yourself this world doesn’t give you that choice. You’d kill him or he’d be the death of you sooner or later.”
She shrugged, and the old cynical bitterness he trusted was back. “I was conceived to serve the state. Doing so is an unbreakable habit. Other people-like you, my friend-normal people, serve themselves. Relationships like serving self, serving others, are outside my experience. I thought I was selfish, but I begin to see there are other dimensions to that word. I find, personal relationships tedious, these games of me and thee. I enjoy companionship. I…love you. I love Shan. That is not the same as: I love Nephane. This city is mine; it is mine. Spare me your appeals to personal affection. I would destroy either of you if I was clearly convinced it was necessary to the survival of this city. Remember that.”