Carl Hiaasen – Double Whammy

“Spinnerbaits.”

“Over plastic worms,” Culver Rundell explained.

Ott Pickney could not bring himself to transcribe this detail.

“I understand you were here when they brought in the body,” Ott said.

“I was. The Davidson boys found him. Daniel and Desi.”

“How awful,” Ott said.

“It was my truck that took him to the morgue.”

Ott said nothing about the autopsy. Dr. Pembroke was third on his list of interview subjects.

“I hated to miss the funeral,” Culver Rundell said, “but we had one hellacious busy morning.”

“The casket was made out of Bobby’s boat.”

“So I heard!” Culver said. “What a neat idea. I wisht I coulda seen it.”

Ott tapped his Bic pen on the counter and said amiably, “I was amazed how handsomely they did it.”

“What I heard,” said Culver Rundell, “is they got a regular oak coffin from Pearl Brothers, sanded off the finish, and paneled it with long strips from the hull of the boat. Cost another two grand, I know for a fact. The bass club is paying.”

Ott Pickney said, “And who would have done the work, the funeral home?”

“Naw, it was Larkin’s shop.”

Larkin was a carpenter. He had done all the benches at the Harney County Courthouse, and also the front doors on the new U.S. Post Office.

“He’s the best in town,” Culver Rundell remarked. He thought he was doing Larkin a favor, a little free publicity for the business.

“Well, he did a damn fine job with the coffin,” Ott said. He left two one-dollar bills on the countertop, said good-bye, and drove immediately to Larkin’s shop. Ott hoped there would be something left to see, though he had no idea exactly what to look for.

The shop was more of an old A-frame barn with a fancy new electric garage door, the kind used on those big import-export warehouses in western Dade County. The door to the wood shop was up. Ott saw plenty of raw furniture but no carpenters. It turned out Larkin wasn’t there; it was a slow morning, so he’d gone fishing. Naturally.

A young black apprentice carpenter named Miller asked the reporter what he wanted.

“I’m doing a story about Bobby Clinch, the young man who died in that terrible boating accident at the Bog.”

“Yeah,” Miller said. His workshirt was soaked. Sawdust and curlicued pine shavings stuck to his coal-black arms. He looked as if he were in the middle of a project, and wanted to get back to it.

Pushing things, Ott Pickney said, “This shop did the custom work on the coffin, right?”

“Yeah,” Miller said, “the boat job.”

“It was really something,” Ott said. “How did you guys do that? You won’t mind if I take some notes—”

“Mr. Larkin did it all by himself,” Miller said. “I guess he knew the deceased.”

That last word rattled Ott. He glanced up from the notebook to catch the cutting look in Miller’s eye. The look said: Don’t patronize me, pal, I got better things to do.

“Blue metal-flake casket, man. Looked like a giant fucking cough drop.”

Ott cleared his throat. “I’m sure they meant well… I mean, it was supposed to be symbolic. Sort of a farewell gesture.”

“I’ll give you a farewell gesture—” Miller said, but then the phone rang in the far corner of the workshed. The apprentice hurried off, and Ott quietly poked through the shop. He wondered why he’d never gotten the hang of talking to black people, why they always looked at him as if he were a cockroach.

Miller was talking in a loud voice into the phone. Something about a walnut dining table and an unpaid bill.

Ott Pickney slipped out the front way, then walked around to the back of the shop where Miller couldn’t see him. Against one wall stood two long green dumpsters filled with fresh-cut lumber remnants. They were the sweetest-smelling dumpsters Ott had ever come across. He stood on his tiptoes and looked inside. In the first he saw a pile of wooden chips, blocks, odd triangles and rectangles, a broken sawhorse, a hogshead, empty cans of resin and varnish; Mr. Larkin’s predictable junk.

At the second dumpster Ott found a similar jumble of pulp, plywood, and two-by-fours, but also something else: molded chunks of blue-sparkled fiberglass. It was the remains of Bobby Clinch’s Ranger bass boat, sawed to pieces in the customizing of the fisherman’s coffin.

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