Carl Hiaasen – Double Whammy

The other possible explanation of what had happened that morning made just as much sense: R. J. Decker had simply photographed the wrong gang of cheaters.

Either way, the faces on film were not the ones Dennis Gault wanted to see.

“You know damn well Dickie’s got the tournament rigged.”

“Of course,” Skink said. “But there’s a billion places to hide the bass around here. Bayous far as the eye can see. Shit, he could sink the traps out on Pontchartrain and we’d grow old lookin’ in that soup.”

“So we staked out the obvious place,” Decker said gloomily.

“And got ourselves some obvious assholes.” Skink signaled a waitress for more catfish. “It’ll all work out, Miami. Go to the weigh-in, see what happens. And eat your goddamn hush puppies, all right? Worse comes to worst, I’ll just shoot the motherfucker.”

“Pardon?”

“Lockhart,” Skink said.

“Come on.” Decker vainly searched Skink’s face for some sign that he was joking.

“Gault would love it,” Skink said. “Damn, I got a mouthful of bones here. How hard is it to properly fillet a fish? Doesn’t take a fucking surgeon, does it?” A waitress warily approached the table but Decker motioned her away.

“We’re not killing Dickie,” he whispered to Skink.

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Skink said, not lowering his voice even a little. “Who gives a shit if Lockhart croaks? His sponsors? The network? Big deal.” Skink paused to chew.

“I’ll get the damn photograph,” Decker said.

“Be lots easier just to shoot his ass. Fella I know in Thibodaux, he’d lend me a deer rifle.”

“No!” Decker snapped, but he saw that the idea had already lodged itself like a tick, somewhere behind those infernal sunglasses. “It’s crazy,” Decker said. “You mention it again and I’m gone, captain.”

“Oh, relax,” Skink said.

“I mean it!”

Skink reached over and speared a hush puppy from Decker’s plate. “I warned you,” he said playfully. “You had your chance.”

The bass boats were as haphazard in their return as they had been regimented in departure. The weigh-in was set for four-thirty, and the fishermen cut wild vectors across Lake Maurepas to beat the deadline. They came from all directions; wide open seemed to be the only speed they knew. The ramp at Pass Manchac was bustling with spectators, sponsors, and even a local television crew. A monumental glass aquarium—a grudging concession to conservationists—had been erected near the scoreboard, ostensibly to keep the caught bass alive so they could be freed later. As the catches were brought in, the fish were weighed, measured, and photographed by a Louisiana state biologist. Then they were dropped into the greenish tank, where most of them promptly turned belly-up and expired in deep shock.

The all-important weight totals went up on the big scoreboard. The angler with the biggest fish would receive ten thousand dollars; heaviest stringer was twenty grand, plus a new bass boat, a vacation trailer, and a Dodge Ram four-by-four, which would most likely be traded back for cash.

Decker waited alone because Skink had gone back to the motel. He had mumbled something about not wanting to bump into the Rundell brothers—and there they were, slurping beer by the gas pumps. Ozzie was such a pitiable dolt, yet it was he who’d driven the getaway truck from the scene of Ott Pickney’s murder. Decker played with the idea of sneaking up to Ozzie and whispering something terrifying into his ear, just to get a reaction. A fatal angina attack, maybe.

But Decker decided to keep a safe distance, on the off-chance Culver might remember him from the bait shop.

The ritual of the weigh-in—the handshakes, the hushed gathering around the scales, the posting of the results—held Decker’s attention at first, but after a while his thoughts drifted back to Skink. It occurred to him that Skink was starting to unravel, or maybe just finishing the process, and that for all his backwoods savvy the man might become a serious liability. Decker wished Jim Tile were around to settle Skink down, or at least advise Decker how to handle him.

A burst of applause sprang from around the stage and the rest of the crowd rose on tiptoes, straining to see. A lean, tan, and apparently well-known fisherman was parading a stringer of three immense bass the way a triumphant boxer brandishes the championship belt. The scorer climbed a stepladder and wrote “21-7” in chalk next to the name of Ed Spurling. By four pounds he had become the new leader of the Cajun Invitational Bass Classic.

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