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Carl Hiaasen – Lucky You

Shiner was pulling guard duty, sopping and forlorn. Amber shook out the oilskin tarpaulin and draped it across the mangroves, for a lean-to. She tugged Shiner out of the rain and said: “You’re going to catch your death.”

“No, I can’t sit down.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“But the colonel put me on perimeter.”

“The colonel’s out like a light. Relax,” Amber said. “What kind of gun is that? It’s ugly.”

“TEC-9,” said Shiner.

“I’d be scared to even hold it.”

“Piece a crap.”

“Sure beats the screwdriver.”

Shiner said, “I like the AR-15 better.” The wind snapped the corners of the tarp. “God, this weather sucks. You hear that?”

“It’s just the waves.”

“I hope.” Through the trees he could make out the shape of the boat at the waterline. Chub had anchored it in a skinny channel that ran along the shore of the island.

“It’s, like, zero visibility,” Shiner remarked.

Amber blinked the flashlight in his face. “Just in case,” she said.

“Don’t tell me you gonna make a run for it.”

She laughed emptily. “Where?”

“I’d have to stop you. That’s my orders.”

Amber said, “I’m not going anywhere. Tell me about the money.”

Shiner fell silent for a short while. Then he thought he heard a helicopter. “The NATO troops got Blackhawks. They’s lined up on the beach at Andros Island, is what Colonel Bode says.”

Water streamed off the tarp in sheets. Amber said, “There are no helicopters coming tonight, all right? Not in this shitty storm. Maybe submarines, but no helicopters.”

“You think this is funny?”

“Oh yeah. Getting kidnapped, that really cracks me up.”

Shiner asked, “What’d Chub want? Before, when you guys went in the woods.”

“What do you think.”

“He dint try nothin’, did he?”

“Yeah, he tried something. He tried to tell me he was a millionaire.”

“The brotherhood, he means.”

“No. Him personally,” said Amber.

“I don’t think so.” Shiner looked troubled.

“Fourteen million dollars is what he said. That’s the same money you helped to steal, right?” Amber poked his arm. “Well?”

Again Shiner turned away, toward the boat. “Did he take your pants? He said he took your pants.”

She could scarcely hear him above the wind and the shake of the trees. Shiner said, “He showed ’em to us. Them orange ones.”

“He didn’t take anything. I gave him the damn shorts.” Amber put the light on his face. “Don’t worry, it’s all right.”

“You say so.”

“I’m a big girl.”

“Yeah, but he’s crazy,” Shiner said.

A string of cold drops landed on Amber’s forehead. Glancing up, she noticed a shiny bulge in the skin of the tarpaulin, where the water had puddled on the other side.

She told Shiner: “Watch out, it’s dripping on your Tex.” Turning the flashlight on the gun.

“It’s T-e-c, not T-e-x.” He dried the stubby barrel on one of his sleeves.

“You still worried about helicopters?”

“Naw,” Shiner said.

“The money?”

“Right.” He sniffed sarcastically.

“Where’d you guys get so much?” Amber asked. “Rob Fort Knox or something?”

“Try a lottery ticket.”

“You’re kidding.”

“It was easy.”

“Well, tell me about it,” Amber said.

And Shiner did.

Tom Krome couldn’t get to sleep in the slashing storm. The shadows swayed in the wind, and it got chilly without a fire. He and JoLayne bundled beneath the boat canvas, raindrops popping on the stiff fabric.

“I’m freezing,” she said.

“This is nothing.”

JoLayne briskly rubbed her hands on the knees of her jeans.

Tom said, “Incredible. It was sunny all day.”

“Florida,” she said.

“You like it down here?”

“I like what’s left.”

“Ever been to Alaska?”

“Nope,” she said. “They got black folks up there?”

“I’m not sure. Let me get back to you on that.”

They took out the marine chart and tried to figure out where they were. Tom guessed it was one of three keys in the middle of Florida Bay—Calusa, Spy or Pearl. They wouldn’t know for sure until they got enough daylight to see the horizon.

“Not that it really matters. They’re all uninhabited,” Tom said.

JoLayne nudged him. A tall, long-necked bird was perched regally on the stern of the Whaler. It cocked its head and studied them with blazing yellow eyes. Rain dripped off the tip of its lancelike beak.

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