Carl Hiaasen – Lucky You

Arriving home, she recognized Tom Krome’s blue Honda parked in the driveway. He was sitting in the swing on the porch. JoLayne sat down next to him and pushed off. With a squeak the swing started to move.

JoLayne said, “I guess we’ve got a deal.”

“Yep.”

“What’d your boss say?”

“He said, ‘Great story, Tom! Go to it!’ ”

“Really.”

“His exact words. Hey, what happened to your coat?”

“Iguana pee. Now ask about my thumb.”

“Lemme see.”

JoLayne extended her hand. Krome studied the bite mark with mock seriousness.

“Grizzly!” he said.

She smiled. Boy, did it feel good, his touch. Strong and gentle and all that stuff. Which was how it always started, with a warm dumb tingle.

JoLayne hopped out of the swing and said: “We’ve got an hour before sunset. I want to show you something.”

When they got to Simmons Wood, she pointed out the for sale sign. “That’s why I can’t wait six months for these jerkoffs to get caught. Any day, somebody’s going to come along and buy this place.”

Tom Krome followed her over the fence, through the pine and palmettos. She stopped to point out bobcat scat, deer tracks and a red-shouldered hawk in the treetops.

“Forty-four acres,” JoLayne said.

She was whispering, so Krome whispered back. “How much do they want for it?”

“Three million and change,” she said.

Krome asked about the zoning.

“Retail,” JoLayne answered, with a grimace.

They stopped on the sandy bluff overlooking the creek. JoLayne sat down and crossed her legs. “A shopping mall and a parking lot,” she said, “just like in the Joni Mitchell song.”

Tom Krome felt he should be writing down everything she said. His notebook nagged at him from the back pocket of his jeans. As if he still had a newspaper job.

JoLayne, pointing at the tea-colored ribbon of water: “That’s where the cooters come from. They’re off the logs now, but you should be here when the sun’s high.”

Still whispering, like she was in church. Which he supposed it was, in a way.

“What do you make of my plan?”

Krome said, “I think it’s fantastic.”

“You’re making fun.”

“Not at all—”

“Oh yes. You think I’m nuts.” She propped her chin in her hands. “OK, smart guy, what would you do with the money?”

Krome started to answer but JoLayne motioned for him to hush. A deer was at the creek; a doe, drinking. They watched it until darkness fell, then they quietly made their way back to the highway, Krome following the whiteness of JoLayne’s lab coat weaving through the trees and scrub.

Back at the house, she disappeared into the bedroom to change clothes and check her phone messages. When she came out, he was standing at the aquarium, watching the baby turtles.

“Treasure this,” she said. “Chase Bank called. The assholes have already charged a truckload of stuff on my Visa.”

Krome spun around. “You didn’t tell me they got your credit card.”

JoLayne reached for the kitchen phone. “I’ve got to cancel that number.”

Krome grabbed her arm. “No, don’t. This is wonderful news: They’ve got your Visa, plus they seem to be total morons.”

“Yeah, I couldn’t be happier.”

“You wanted to find them, right? Now we’ve got a trail.”

JoLayne was intrigued. She sat down at the kitchen table and opened a box of Goldfish crackers. The salt stung the cut on her lip, made her eyes water.

Krome said: “Here’s what you do. Call the bank and find out exactly where the card’s been used. Tell them you loaned it to your brother, uncle, something like that. But don’t cancel it, JoLayne. Not until we know where these guys are headed.”

She did what he told her. The Chase Bank people couldn’t have been nicer. She took down the information and handed it to Krome, who said: “Wow.”

“No kidding, wow.”

“They spent twenty-three hundred dollars at a gun show?”

“And two hundred sixty at a Hooters,” JoLayne said. “I’m not sure which is scarier.”

The gun show was at the War Memorial Auditorium in Fort Lauderdale, the Hooters was in Coconut Grove. The robbers seemed to be traveling south.

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