Carl Hiaasen – Naked Came The Manatee

Mike Weston grabbed it on the third ring. “What’s the good news, compadre?”

A short pause, then: “Everything’s fine. We found your lost luggage. Where is Hector?”

“On a seaplane flying home from Bimini.”

“It went well?” asked the voice from Havana.

“Perfect. I expect him any minute,” Weston said. “I’m already packing for Belize.”

“Don’t go anywhere until you hear from us. Don’t leave the room—you understand?”

“Hey, you’re the boss,” Weston said.

“You do understand? Stay right where you are.”

“I heard you the first time.” Weston hung up the phone, stretched out on the starchy motel sheets, dialed up another porny film on Spectravision, and waited for Hector.

That’s where Franklin and Marlis found them later, their insides decorating the room.

Aboard the Entrante Presidente, the captives were served lobster fritters and a tangy mango sorbet. Hunger overcame their pride and anxiety.

Juan Carlos Reyes, who was in a celebratory mood, told them what would come next. “Of course you will not be killed, because there’s no need. A small launch will take you from my yacht to the Big Game Club in Bimini. There you’ll be met by Bahamian customs and immigration officers. For the next several days, you will have a most difficult time trying to return to Miami.”

Britt Montero started to speak, but the millionaire cut her off. “Miss Montero, don’t ever think about calling in a story to your newspaper. Your cellular has already been disabled and your accommodations in Bimini, unfortunately, will be too rustic for telephone jacks.”

Britt said, “You’ll never get away with it.”

“Oh, I will. Easily, in fact. By the time you get out, I’ll be on my way to Havana.”

Angrily, Fay Leonard said, “You can’t silence us.”

“Nor would I want to,” said Juan Carlos Reyes. “Miss Leonard, I’ll have my own version of these events, which will be substantiated by an esteemed scientist from Harvard, and also by Mr. Schwartz, if he still wishes to be paid for his services.”

Mickey hung his head.

“My recollection,” Reyes went on, “is that Miss Leonard and Miss Montero, having heard of my million-dollar offer for proof of Castro’s death, greedily attempted to defraud me. They constructed a flimsy hoax involving a Castro impersonator and a delusional old woman, Miss Sands, in the hopes I’d fall for it—”

“That’s ridiculous!” Fay shouted.

“Maybe, maybe not.” Reyes took a sip of rum. “Miss Montero, do your readers know how little your newspaper pays you? A million dollars would buy lots of cat food, no?”

Britt chewed her lower lip, and thought of her callow young editors. Assuming her story would eventually get published, she wondered what she could possibly write about the severed heads that would make any sense.

Juan Carlos Reyes rose. “Randy will take you to the launch.” He bowed slightly toward Lilia. “I’m sorry your heart is broken, Miss Sands, but I’m not at all sorry your infamous lover is dead. My only regret is that I didn’t kill him myself.”

“As if you could,” Lilia said venomously. “Little cockroach that you are. Cowardly limp-noodled—”

“Enough,” Mickey Schwartz cut in.

“—rotten little crook!”

Juan Carlos Reyes wagged a mocking finger at Lilia Sands. “Now is that any way,” he asked, “to address the next president of a free Cuba?”

It was a good plan; a solid plan. A plan that would’ve worked, if only the real Fidel Castro had not been insulted, propositioned, and mugged in broad daylight on Miami Beach.

The messy murders of the two men in room 105—that hadn’t bothered Castro, for he’d known of it in advance. He even knew what the police still did not know: the victims’ names (Hector Pupo and Mike Weston), and why they’d had to die (they were loud, careless, and knew too much).

A security matter handled by experts who made it look amateurish—Fidel understood such things.

However, the arrival of the perky cleanup crew had put him on edge. Castro was rattled by the knowledge that murders were so common in South Florida that swabbing up crime scenes was a full-time trade, and evidently a lucrative one.

Franklin and Marlis, the workers who came to room 105, were too talky and inquisitive. They stared dubiously at Fidel’s Korean-made toupee, and posed snoopy questions disguised as banter. Fidel, as usual, pretended not to understand English. It was all he could do not to retch during Franklin’s graphic monologue about the effects of gastric acids on suede upholstery.

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