Carl Hiaasen – Native Tongue

“Excuse me?”

“I told you, Joe, I’m a very goal-oriented person.”

“I think I’m tangled.”

“You’re doing fine,” she said.

He was still hanging on, minutes later, when Carrie stopped moving.

“What is it?”

“Joe, did you go back to the apartment tonight?” She was whispering.

“Just for a minute. I needed some clothes.”

“Oh boy.”

“What’s the matter?”

Carrie said, “Somebody’s watching us. Somebody followed you here.” She lowered herself until she was flat against him, so she couldn’t be seen from the window. “It’s a man,” she said. “He’s just standing out there.”

“What’s he look like?”

“Very large.”

“Guess I’d better do something.”

“Such as?”

“I’m not exactly sure,” Joe Winder said. “I need to refocus here.”

“In other words, you want me to climb off.”

“Well, I think the mood has been broken.”

“The thing is—”

“I know. We’ll need scissors.” His fingers, his chin, everything was tangled in the netting.

Outside the trailer, something moved. A shadow flickering across the windowpane. Footsteps crunching on the gravel. Then a hand on the doorknob, testing the lock.

Carrie’s muscles tightened. She put her lips to his ear. “Joe, are we going to die like this?”

“There are worse ways,” he said.

And then the door buckled.

TWENTY-FOUR

Skink said he was sorry, and turned away. Joe Winder and Carrie Lanier scrambled to disengage, tearing the fishnet suit to strings.

“I heard noises,” said Skink. “Thought there might be trouble.”

The adrenaline ebbed in a cold tingle from Winder’s veins. Breathlessly he said, “How’d you know I was here?”

“Followed you from the apartment.”

“In what—the bookmobile?”

“I’ve got friends,” Skink said.

While Joe Winder fastened his trousers, Carrie Lanier dived into a University of Miami football jersey. Skink turned to face them, and Carrie gamely shook his hand. She said, “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Jim Morrison,” said Skink. “The Jim Morrison.”

“No, he’s not,” Winder said irritably.

Carrie smiled. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Morrison.” Winder considered her cordiality amazing in view of Skink’s menacing appearance.

Skink said, “I suppose he told you all about me.”

“No,” Carrie replied. “He didn’t say a word.”

Skink seemed impressed by Joe Winder’s discretion. To Carrie he said: “Feel free to stare.”

“I am staring, Mr. Morrison. Is that a snake you’re eating?”

“A mud snake, yes. Medium-rare.” He took a crackling bite and moved through the trailer, turning off the television and all the lights. “A precaution,” he explained, peeking out a window.

In the darkness Carrie found Joe Winder’s hand and squeezed it. Winder said, “This is the man who saved my life a couple weeks ago—the night I got beaten up, and you gave me a lift.”

“I live in the hammocks,” Skink interjected. “The heavy rains have brought out the snakes.”

Winder wondered when he would get to the point. Carrie said, “Can I ask about the red collar? Is it some sort of neck brace?”

“No, it isn’t.” Skink crouched on his haunches in front of them, beneath the open window. The highway lights twinkled in his sunglasses.

“Events are moving haphazardly,” he said, gnawing a piece of the cooked reptile. “There needs to be a meeting. A confluence, if you will.”

“Of whom?” Winder asked.

“There are others,” Skink said. “They don’t know about you, and you don’t know about them.” He paused, cocking an ear toward the ceiling. “Hear that? It’s the plane. They’ve been tracking me all damn day.” Carrie gave Joe Winder a puzzled look. He said, “The rangers from Game and Fish—it’s a long story.”

“Government,” Skink said. “A belated pang of conscience, at tax-payer expense. But Nature won’t be fooled, the damage is already done.”

Sensing trouble, Winder lurched in to change the subject. “So who are these mysterious others?”

“Remember that afternoon at the Amazing Kingdom, when a stranger gave you something?”

“Yeah, some old lady at the Rare Animal Pavilion. She handed me a note and then I got my lights punched out.”

Skink said, “That was me who slugged you.”

“What an odd relationship,” Carrie remarked.

“My specialty,” Joe Winder said. Then to Skink: “Can I ask why you knocked the door down tonight? Your timing stinks, by the way.”

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