Reptile experts say snakes become more active in times of heavy rainfall, and travel great distances to seek higher ground. Even the so-called water moccasin, which thrives in canals and brackish lagoons, becomes uncommonly restless and aggressive during flood-type conditions.
The cottonmouth is a pit viper known for its large curved fangs and whitish mouth. While extremely painful, the bite of the snake is seldom fatal if medical treatment is administered quickly. However, permanent damage to muscle and soft tissue often occurs.
The moccasin is prevalent throughout South Florida, although it is rare to find more than two or three snakes together at a time. Cluster migrations are a rarity in nature. “They appeared to be hunting for toads,” Chelsea explained.
Officials ordered the theme park to be closed temporarily while teams of armed hunters captured and removed the wild reptiles, some of which were nearly six feet in length.
Chelsea said that the Amazing Kingdom will reopen Tuesday morning with a full schedule of events. He added: “While we are confident that the grounds will be perfectly safe and secure, we are also suggesting, as a precaution, that our visitors wear heavy rubber boots. These will be available in all sizes, for a nominal rental fee.”
Reporters began calling before eight o’clock. Charles Chelsea was summoned from home; he arrived bleary-eyed and tieless. Clutching a Styrofoam cup of black coffee, he hunched over the desk to examine Joe Winder’s newest atrocity.
“Wicked bastard,” he said after reading the last line.
A secretary told him about the TV helicopters. “We’ve counted five so far,” she reported. “They’re trying to get an aerial shot of the snakes.”
“The snakes!” Chelsea laughed dismally.
To ignite his competitive spirit, the secretary said, “I can’t believe they’d fall for a dumb story like this.”
“Are you kidding?” Chelsea buried his hands in his hair. “Snakes are dynamite copy. Anything with a snake, the media eats it up.” A law of journalism of which Joe Winder, the ruthless sonofabitch, was well aware.
Chelsea sucked down the dregs of the coffee and picked up the phone. Francis X. Kingsbury answered on the seventeenth ring.
“I’ve got some extremely bad news,” Chelsea said.
“Horseshit, Charlie, if you get my drift.” It sounded as if Kingsbury’s hay fever was acting up. “Calling me at home, Christ, what’s your job description anyway—professional pussy? Is that what I hired you for?”
“No, sir.” The publicity man gritted his teeth and told Kingsbury what had happened. There was a long unpleasant silence, followed by the sound of a toilet being flushed.
“I’m in the can,” Kingsbury said. “That’s what you get for calling me at home.”
“Sir, did you hear what I said? About the snake story that Winder put out?”
“Yes, hell, I’m not deaf. Hold on.” Chelsea heard the toilet flush again. Grimly he motioned for his secretary to get him another cup of coffee.
On the other end, Kingsbury said, “All right, so on this snake thing, what do you think?”
“Close the park for a day.”
“Don’t be an idiot.”
“There’s no choice, Mr. Kingsbury. Even if we came clean and admitted the press release was fake, nobody’s going to believe it. They’ll think we’re covering up.” That was the insidious genius of Joe Winder’s strategy.
Kingsbury said: “Close the goddamn park, are you kidding? What about business?”
“Business is shot,” Chelsea replied. “Nobody but reptile freaks would show up today. We’re better off closing the Kingdom and taking our lumps.”
“Un-fucking-real, this is.”
“I forgot to mention, we’ll also need to purchase some boots. Several hundred pairs.” Chelsea’s fingers began to cramp on the telephone receiver. He said, “Don’t worry, I’ll put something out on the wires right away.”
“Everything’s under control, blah, blah, blah.”
“Right,” said Chelsea. Now he could hear the water running in Francis Kingsbury’s sink.
“I bruffing my teef,” Kingsbury gargled.
Chelsea waited for the sound of spitting. Then he said, “I’ll call a press conference for noon. We’ll get somebody, some scientist, to say the snakes are almost gone. Then we’ll reopen tomorrow.”
Kingsbury said, “Four hundred grand is what this fucking clown is costing me, you realize? A whole day’s receipts.”