Carl Hiaasen – Native Tongue

Maria slipped into the whale pool, dipped her head underwater, and smoothed her hair straight back. The tape was rolling again.

Eyes twinkling, she smiled up at the camera. The guy with the boom mike leaned over the wall of the tank to capture her words.

“Hi, this is Maria Rodriguez. Today we’re visiting the Amazing Kingdom of Thrills in North Key Largo. As you can see, it’s a gorgeous summer day—”

Chelsea was thinking: Good girl, stick to the fluff.

“—and we’re about to meet the newest star of the Kingdom’s outdoor marine show. His name is Dickie the Dolphin…cut! Hold it, Jimmy.”

The cameraman stopped the tape. Bobbing in the whale pool, Maria groped beneath the surface, frowned and spun away. Chelsea could see that she was struggling to realign the bathing suit.

“Damn thing’s riding up my crack.”

“Take your time,” said the cameraman. “We got plenty of light.”

Moments later, Maria was ready again; fresh, sleek, languid. She splashed herself lightly in the face so that droplets glistened in her eyelashes; Charles Chelsea was transfixed.

“Hi, this is Maria Rodriguez reporting from the Amazing Kingdom of Thrills in North Key Largo. As you can see, it’s a gorgeous summer day in South Florida—perfect for a swim with the newest star of the Amazing Kingdom’s marine show. His name is Dickie the Dolphin and, starting tomorrow, you can swim with him, too!”

Chelsea cued the trainer, who pulled the pin on the gate to the whale pool. Pushing a V-shaped wake, the dolphin charged from the holding tank and sounded.

The TV reporter continued: “It’s the latest concept in marine theme parks—customer participation. Instead of sitting in the bleachers and watching these remarkable mammals do tricks, you can actually get in the water and play with them. It costs a little more, but—believe me—it’s worth it.”

A few yards behind her, Dickie the Dolphin rolled, blowing air noisily. Maria kept her poise, glancing over one shoulder with a breezy, affectionate smile. Chelsea was impressed; she had the whole script memorized.

Turning back to the camera, Maria said: “To be in the water with these gentle, intelligent creatures is an experience you’ll never forget. Scientists say the dolphin’s brain is actually larger than ours, and much of their complex social behavior remains a mystery….”

Dickie the Dolphin surfaced lazily near Maria, who grabbed its dorsal fin with both hands. Chelsea stood up quickly and waved a warning, but it was too late. The dolphin carried the TV reporter across the top of the water; she closed her eyes and squealed with childlike excitement.

“Great fucking video,” remarked Jimmy the cameraman, panning expertly with the action.

The boom man said, “She’s getting out of range.”

Charles Chelsea cupped his hands and shouted. “Let go! No rides allowed!”

Maria couldn’t hear a word. She was holding her breath underwater while the dolphin imitated a torpedo. Every few seconds her long brown legs would slice the surface as she was dragged along, like the tail of a kite. Chelsea bit his lip and watched in queasy silence. Finally Maria splashed to the surface—and she was laughing, thank God! She thought it was all in fun, and maybe it was.

The sound man scurried along the rim of the tank and repositioned the boom. Giggling, short of breath, Maria’s eyes found the camera. She said, “Folks, this is unbelievable. Bring the family, you’re gonna love it!” Dickie the Dolphin appeared at her side, and she stroked its sleek flank. Wondrously, it seemed to nuzzle her bosom with its snout.

“He’s so adorable” Maria exclaimed.

From the feeding platform on the side of the tank, the trainer called out, “Hey, be careful!” Then he started peeling off his khakis.

“Such friendly animals,” Maria was saying. “Notice how they always look like they’re smiling!”

Dickie the Dolphin slapped its tail on the surface and pushed even closer. Maria threw both arms around the slippery mammal, which obligingly rolled on its back.

Chelsea saw the trainer dive in. He saw Maria’s expression change from tenderness to awe. Then he saw the dolphin hook her with its flippers and drag her down.

When she broke to the top, Maria’s giggle had become a low fearful moan. As the dolphin’s dark form appeared beneath her, she seemed to rise from the water. Then, just as slowly, the creature drew her under.