M: I’ve been attempting to be efficient and more succinct. The rest of the above paragraph is really only your speculation. Bob was not a setup, at least by me of course. Since those who have lost the human form have no real dependencies, then what I think you think of me is not ever an issue: it never crosses my thoughts.
R: Then, when I was — most self-importantly — even thinking that it might be time to let it end by my no longer sending anything to solicit a response from you, along comes Bob’s report of having met you to which I answered simply, “I’d love to hear about it.” And now I’m back to not wanting to lose you — which I recognize is not even close to an ideal place for me to be but certainly miles better than “letting it end.” OH!!!!!! it just hit me and then as quickly left … something from last night that I realized … damn … what was it … self-importance … that’s it. Every time I see something that could be of value to others … I saw that my motive is ALWAYS the attention I’ll get as someone doing something good. I saw it as I laid awake just after the “Alzheimers as expansion” dream and was day dreaming on and on about the “great discovery” and what it could mean. I saw that my aim was so much centered on being recognized for being good rather than on any good that such a discovered truth might bring to others. That was when the double dream happened, after that recognition of my self-importance!
M: Well, at the very least, the discovery above within your text highlights dependencies on others as an element of how you relate, what motivates you, and possibly how you feel about yourself. When you isolate yourself, from me under whatever guise you use, or from others, you are only asserting more “I-dependency” statements in the form of ego.
R: It’s interesting how I’ve almost placed my dreaming experience in the category of “common place experience,” rather than to hold it as special and along the way of knowledge … even an indication of great progress. Rather, I’m jealous of Bob’s day time stuff and of his meeting you. I’m very happy to have told you these things. Sort of like in Sorcerer’s Crossing when she said to herself, “I could feel his lust” and he said back as if she’d actually spoken it, “What the hell do you mean, ‘You could feel my lust?'” and it was back to the treehouse for her to continue working on herself.
M: (grin, smile)
R: Oh, Michael, Michael, what are you going to do with me? (said rhetorically)(smile.) – Rick
M: (smile )returned..
———- R: I was thinking about having written that “I don’t want to lose you.” What I’m asking now is, “Do I know what I want?”(not related to my relationship with you).
M: That is, of course, the far more on-the-point question to answer …
R: In the social sphere it seems to me that the answer is, no. I was considering while lying in bed this morning, … what society is. It’s a lot of agreement about a lot of things (including agreement that there be disagreement), then I thought about all of the different societies with their different rules and then into the past societies … I began thinking of how my thinking that I’m so much out of the mainstream of society is not really true. It is much more true that I am in this society 99.99% as much as everyone else. I’d been believing that since I don’t have health care insurance, or any other insurance, have no credit or property and, again, am on a pretty much moment to moment earning of the money to buy food and pay the rent for self and two kids while totally abstaining from government handouts (as have I always), that I was outside of society. But that’s not the case at all, I’m totally in society and simple have the above facts as how I’m doing my “in society thing.”
M: True, simply said. It’s only a matter of the striation relative to society.
R: Well, maybe it doesn’t sound good to say, “I don’t want to lose you,” but actually, I don’t. And yet, it looks to me like mostly selfish reasons for that … that is, what am I going to get to give me a boost along the way of knowledge. But writing this letter I don’t even feel like I’m even on it (the way of knowledge). I suppose that’s because this letter is all ‘thinking’ (not necessarily in the intelligent sense).
M: Well, at least you are able to express yourself in this manner. Relative to “loosing me”, you might want to consider all of the nuances that this statement might include because it’s not me that is at issue.
———
R: from The Fire From Within. “To be in an impeccable state of being is to be free of rational assumptions and rational fears.” Here’s a rational assumption I could put on my list of ones to be free of: “I don’t know how to free myself from rational assumptions.” Here is another one: “Actually I do know — turn off the internal dialogue.” Might as well throw in a rational fear: “It would be scary as hell to trust.” – Rick
M: And a person’s ability to trust is founded upon the tenet of trusting him/her self.
———- R: I’m now 1/4th through the Penrose book. At first I thought I’d try to keep up with all of the math but have since found that taking his beginning advise of skipping over some of it if you don’t get it, is working well for me.
M: Yes. Sometimes people get tangled up in the details and forget to see the message …
——–
R: Michael, what is the effect of relying on something like Mescalito.
M: For those who rely on Mescalito for a long period, and it is a dependency, to cause a transition, and dependency-based transitions are too conditional for the true path to freedom (which is held entirely within oneself). Any benefit that allies bring, or chemically based alterations bring, are useful as tools for but a brief period.
——-
R: It would be great to meet you (feeling so greedy, wanting that boost into waking second attention. Sense that it would be, perhaps, resisted (on this side), sigh, but boy, … would love the try)
M: There is a good possibility that “when” the time is correct, it will happen – particularly when it is understood based on knowledge, that were would be no resistance.
———
M: There is a formal component of the third attention, a protocol if you wish. It is a rather “serious”, but not stern. I’ll try to expand on that later when I can contemplate parallels.
————
R: I was reminded of this from The Power of Silence (from my compilation):
“Everything a teacher puts his apprentice through, each of the things he shows him is only a device to convince him that thereÕs more to us than meets the eye. We donÕt need anyone to teach us sorcery, because there is really nothing to learn. What we need is a teacher to convince us that there is incalculable power at our fingertips. What a strange paradox! Every warrior on the path of knowledge thinks, at one time or another, that heÕs learning sorcery, but all heÕs doing is allowing himself to be convinced of the power hidden in his being, and that he can reach it.”
R: I’m asking myself, “What is it, to be ‘convinced of the incalculable power at our fingertips.’?” It’s a rhetorical question. Yet … (saying more) … More than rhetorical, it strikes me as a bit of a waste of time to ask it.
M: Somehow this seems to have become tangled in more than one issue for you. Suggest looking at each sub-issue, one at a time.
M: Asking a question, even quietly to self, is usually not a waste of time because it can start a process that new information, and eventually knowledge, can evolve from. It IS a waste to time to mind-churn over it, but not the ask the question, and not to carefully think through the process. The question, whatever it might be: leads to a concept; concept leads to possibilities; possibilities lead to processes; processes lead to the gathering of information; information applied into experience becomes knowledge; and this is derived from someone “asking a question”, even of self.
R: You could start talking about the different levels of being convinced. But what would that do for anyone — talking about it, that is? Nothing that I can see. I’m already convinced to the degree that I am convinced (dauuuu), as is everyone else. Being convinced, I then act … and wait … or I don’t act … it looks to me to be just what is going on with the way of knowledge … on an individual basis.