world didn’t touch him. The Nagual didn’t want you, in par-
ticular, to have much to do with Eligio. The Nagual said that
you are the kind of sorcerer one should stay away from. He
said that your touch doesn’t soothe, it spoils instead. He told
me that your spirit takes prisoners. He was somehow revolted
by you and at the same time he liked you. He said that you
were crazier than Josefina when he found you and that you
still are.
It was an unsettling feeling to hear someone else telling me
what don Juan thought of me. At first I tried to disregard what
dona Soledad was saying, but then I felt utterly stupid and out
of place trying to protect my ego.
He bothered with you, she went on, because he was
commanded by power to do so. And he, being the impeccable
warrior he was, yielded to his master and gladly did what
power told him to do with you.
There was a pause. I was aching to ask her more about don
Juan’s feelings about me. I asked her to tell me about her other
girl instead.
A month after he found Eligio, the Nagual found Rosa,
she said. Rosa was the last one. Once he found her he knew
that his number was complete.
How did he find her?
He had gone to see Benigno in his homeland. He was
approaching the house when Rosa came out from the thick
bushes on the side of the road, chasing a pig that had gotten
loose and was running away. The pig ran too fast for Rosa.
She bumped into the Nagual and couldn’t catch up with the
pig. She then turned against the Nagual and began to yell at
him. He made a gesture to grab her and she was ready to
fight him. She insulted him and dared him to lay a hand on her.
The Nagual liked her spirit immediately but there was no
omen. The Nagual said that he waited a moment before walk-
ing away, and then the pig came running back and stood be-
side him. That was the omen. Rosa put a rope around the pig.
The Nagual asked her point-blank if she was happy in her
job. She said no. She was a live-in servant. The Nagual asked
her if she would go with him and she said that if it was what
she thought it was for, the answer was no. The Nagual said it
was for work and she wanted to know how much he would
pay. He gave her a figure and then she asked what kind of
work it was. The Nagual said that it was to work with him in
the tobacco fields of Veracruz. She told him then that she had
been testing him; if he would have said he wanted her to work
as a maid, she would have known that he was a liar, because he
looked like someone who had never had a home in his life.
The Nagual was delighted with her and told her that if she
wanted to get out of the trap she was in she should come to
Benigno’s house before noon. He also told her that he would
wait no longer than twelve; if she came she had to be prepared
for a difficult life and plenty of work. She asked him how far
was the place of the tobacco fields. The Nagual said three
days’ ride in a bus. Rosa said that if it was that far she would
certainly be ready to go as soon as she got the pig back in his
pen. And she did just that. She came here and everyone liked
her. She was never mean or bothersome; the Nagual didn’t
have to force her or trick her into anything. She doesn’t like
me at all, and yet she takes care of me better than anyone else.
I trust her, and yet I don’t like her at all, and when I leave I
will miss her the most. Can you beat that?
I saw a flicker of sadness in her eyes. I could not sustain my
distrust. She wiped her eyes with a casual movement of her
hand.
There was a natural break in the conversation at that point.
It was getting dark by then and writing was very difficult;
besides I had to go to the bathroom. She insisted that I use the
outhouse before she did as the Nagual himself would have
done.
Afterward she brought two round tubs the size of a child’s
bathtub, filled them half-full with warm water and added some
green leaves after mashing them thoroughly with her hands.
She told me in an authoritative tone to wash myself in one of
the tubs while she did the same in the other. The water had an
almost perfumed smell. It caused a ticklish sensation. It felt like
a mild menthol on my face and arms.
We went back to her room. She put my writing gear, which
I had left on her bed, on top of one of her chests of drawers.
The windows were open and there was still light. It must have
been close to seven.
Dona Soledad lay on her back. She was smiling at me. I
thought that she was the picture of warmth. But at the same
time and in spite of her smile, her eyes gave out a feeling of
ruthlessness and unbending force.
I asked her how long she had been with don Juan as his
woman or apprentice. She made fun of my cautiousness in
labeling her. Her answer was seven years. She reminded me
then that I had not seen her for five. I had been convinced up
to that point that I had seen her two years before. I tried to
remember the last time, but I could not.
She told me to lie down next to her. I knelt on the bed, by
her side. In a very soft voice she asked me if I was afraid. I
said no, which was the truth. There in her room, at that mo-
ment, I was being confronted by an old response of mine,
which had manifested itself countless times, a mixture of curi-
osity and suicidal indifference.
Almost in a whisper she said that she had to be impeccable
with me and tell me that our meeting was crucial for both of
us. She said that the Nagual had given her direct and detailed
orders of what to do. As she talked I could not help laughing
at her tremendous effort to sound like don Juan. I listened to
her statements and could predict what she would say next.
Suddenly she sat up. Her face was a few inches from mine.
I could see her white teeth shining in the semidarkness of the
room. She put her arms around me in an embrace and pulled
me on top of her.
My mind was very clear, and yet something was leading me
deeper and deeper into a sort of morass. I was experiencing
myself as something I had no conception of. Suddenly I knew
that I had, somehow, been feeling her feelings all along. She
was the strange one. She had mesmerized me with words.
She was a cold, old woman. And her designs were not those
of youth and vigor, in spite of her vitality and strength. I knew
then that don Juan had not turned her head in the same direc-
tion as mine. That thought would have been ridiculous in any
other context; nonetheless, at that moment I took it as a true
insight. A feeling of alarm swept through my body. I wanted
to get out of her bed. But there seemed to be an extraordinary
force around me that kept me fixed, incapable of moving
away. I was paralyzed.
She must have felt my realization. All of a sudden she pulled
the band that tied her hair and in one swift movement she
wrapped it around my neck. I felt the tension of the band on
my skin, but somehow it did not seem real.
Don Juan had always said to me that our great enemy is the
fact that we never believe what is happening to us. At the
moment dona Soledad was wrapping the cloth like a noose
around my throat, I knew what he meant. But even after I had
had that intellectual reflection, my body did not react. I re-
mained flaccid, almost indifferent to what seemed to be my
death.
I felt the exertion of her arms and shoulders as she tightened
the band around my neck. She was choking me with great
force and expertise. I began to gasp. Her eyes stared at me with
a maddening glare. I knew then that she intended to kill me.
Don Juan had said that when we finally realize what is going
on it is usually too late to turn back. He contended that it is