that.
Tell me, then, what was prowling around the house? I
asked.
The ally, she said.
Where is it now?
It is still here. It won’t go. The moment you’re weak it’ll
squash you. But we’re not the ones who can tell you any-
thing.
Who can tell me, then?
La Gorda! Rosa exclaimed, opening her eyes as wide as
she could. She’s the one. She knows everything.
Rosa asked me if she could close the door, just to be on the
safe side. Without waiting for an answer she inched her way
to the door and slammed it shut.
There is nothing we can do except wait until everyone is
here, she said.
Lidia came back into the room with a package, an object
wrapped up in a piece of dark yellow cloth. She seemed very
relaxed. I noticed that she had a most commandeering touch.
Somehow she imparted her mood to Rosa and myself.
Do you know what I have here? she asked me.
I did not have the vaguest idea. She began to unwrap it in
a very deliberate manner, taking her time. Then she stopped
and looked at me. She seemed to vacillate. She grinned as if
she were too shy to show what was in the bundle.
This package was left by the Nagual for you, she mut-
tered, but I think we’d better wait for la Gorda.
I insisted that she unwrap it. She gave me a ferocious look
and took the package out of the room without saying another
word.
I enjoyed Lidia’s game. She had performed something quite
in line with don Juan’s teachings. She had given me a demon-
stration of how to get the best use out of an average situation.
By bringing the package to me and pretending that she was
going to open it, after disclosing that don Juan had left it for
me, she had indeed created a mystery that was almost unbear-
able. She knew that I had to stay if I wanted to find out the
contents of that package. I could think of a number of things
that might be in that bundle. Perhaps it was the pipe don Juan
used when handling psychotropic mushrooms. He had inti-
mated that the pipe would be given to me for safekeeping. Or
it might have been his knife, or his leather pouch, or even his
sorcery power objects. On the other hand, it might have been
merely a ploy on Lidia’s part; don Juan was too sophisticated,
too abstract to leave me an heirloom.
I told Rosa that I was dead on my feet and weak from hun-
ger. My idea was to drive to the city, rest for a couple of days
and then come back to see Pablito and Nestor. I said that by
then I might even get to meet the other two girls.
Lidia returned then and Rosa told her of my intention to
leave.
The Nagual gave us orders to attend to you as if you were
himself, Lidia said. We are all the Nagual himself, but you
are even more so, for some reason that no one understands.
Both of them talked to me at once and guaranteed in various
ways that no one was going to attempt anything against me
as dona Soledad had. Both of them had such a fierce look
of honesty in their eyes that my body was overwhelmed. I
trusted them.
You must stay until la Gorda comes back, Lidia said.
The Nagual said that you should sleep in his bed, Rosa
added.
I began to pace the floor in the throes of a weird dilemma.
On the one hand, I wanted to stay and rest; I felt physically
at ease and happy in their presence, something I had not felt
the day before with dona Soledad. My reasonable side, on the
other hand, had not relaxed at all. At that level, I was as fright-
ened as I had been all along. I had had moments of blind
despair and had taken bold actions, but after the momentum
of those actions had ceased, I had felt as vulnerable as ever.
I engaged in some soul-searching analysis as I paced the
room almost frantically. The two girls remained quiet, looking
at me anxiously. Then all of a sudden the riddle was solved; I
knew that something in me was just pretending to be afraid.
I had become accustomed to reacting that way in don Juan’s
presence. Throughout the years of our association I had relied
heavily on him to furnish me with convenient pacifiers for
my fright. My dependency on him had given me solace and
security. But it was no longer tenable. Don Juan was gone.
His apprentices did not have his patience, or his sophistication,
or his sheer command. With them my need to seek solace was
plain stupidity.
The girls led me to the other room. The window faced the
southeast, and so did the bed, which was a thick mat, like a
mattress. A two-foot-long, bulky piece of maguey stalk had
been carved so that the porous tissue served as a pillow, or a
neckrest. In the middle part of it there was a gentle dip. The
surface of the maguey was very smooth. It appeared to have
been hand rubbed. I tried the bed and the pillow. The com-
fort and bodily satisfaction I experienced were unusual. Lying
on don Juan’s bed I felt secure and fulfilled. An unequaled
peace swept through my body. I had had a similar feeling
once before when don Juan had made a bed for me on top
of a hill in the desert in northern Mexico. I fell asleep.
I woke up in the early evening. Lidia and Rosa were nearly
on top of me, sound asleep. I stayed motionless for one or two
seconds, then both of them woke up at once.
Lidia yawned and said that they had had to sleep next to
me in order to protect me and make me rest. I was famished.
Lidia sent Rosa to the kitchen to make us some food. In the
meantime she lit all the lanterns in the house. When the food
was ready we sat down at the table. I felt as if I had known
them or been with them all my life. We ate in silence.
When Rosa was clearing the table I asked Lidia if all of
them slept in the Nagual’s bed; it was the only other bed in
the house besides dona Soledad’s. Lidia said, in a matter-of-
fact tone, that they had moved out of that house years before
to a place of their own in the same vicinity, and that Pablito
had also moved when they did and lived with Nestor and
Benigno.
But what’s happened to you people? I thought that you
were all together, I said.
Not anymore, Lidia replied. Since the Nagual left we
have had separate tasks. The Nagual joined us and the Nagual
took us apart.
And where’s the Nagual now? I asked in the most casual
tone I could affect.
Both of them looked at me and then glanced at each other.
Oh, we don’t know, Lidia said. He and Genaro left.
She seemed to be telling the truth, but I insisted once more
that they tell me what they knew.
We really don’t know anything, Lidia snapped at me,
obviously flustered by my questions. They moved to another
area. You have to ask that question of la Gorda. She has some-
thing to tell you. She knew yesterday that you had come and
we rushed all night to get here. We were afraid that you were
dead. The Nagual told us that you are the only one we should
help and trust. He said that you are himself.
She covered her face and giggled and then added as an
afterthought, But that’s hard to believe.
We don’t know you, Rosa said. That’s the trouble. The
four of us feel the same way. We were afraid that you were
dead and then when we saw you, we got mad at you for not
being dead. Soledad is like our mother; maybe more than
that.
They exchanged conspiratorial looks with each other. I im-
mediately interpreted that as a sign of trouble. They were up
to no good. Lidia noticed my sudden distrust, which must
have been written all over my face. She reacted with a series
of assertions about their desire to help me. I really had no
reason to doubt their sincerity. If they had wanted to hurt
me they could have done so while I was asleep. She sounded
so earnest that I felt petty. I decided to distribute the gifts I
had brought for them. I told them that there were unim-
portant trinkets in the packages and that they could choose
any one they liked. Lidia said that they would prefer it if I
assigned the gifts myself. In a very polite tone she added that