had gotten carried away by my elation and perhaps grabbed
her too hard. I let her go. She sat up straight. She contorted her
small mouth and thin lips and produced a most grotesque out-
burst of grunts and shrieks.
Her whole face suddenly changed. A series of ugly, invol-
untary spasms marred her tranquil expression of a moment
before.
I looked at her, horrified. Lidia pulled me by the sleeve.
Why do you have to scare her, stupid? she whispered.
Don’t you know that she became mute and can’t talk at all?
Josefina obviously understood her and seemed bent on pro-
testing. She clenched her fist at Lidia and let out another out-
burst of extremely loud and horrifying shrieks, and then
choked and coughed. Rosa began to rub her back. Lidia tried
to do the same but Josefina nearly hit her in the face.
Lidia sat down next to me and made a gesture of impotence.
She shrugged her shoulders.
She’s that way, Lidia whispered to me.
Josefina turned to her. Her face was contorted in a most
ugly grimace of anger. She opened her mouth and bellowed
at the top of her voice some more frightening, guttural sounds.
Lidia slid off the bench and in a most unobtrusive manner
left the kitchen area.
Rosa held Josefina by the arm. Josefina seemed to be the
epitome of fury. She moved her mouth and contorted her face.
In a matter of minutes she had lost all the beauty and inno-
cence that had enchanted me. I did not know what to do. I
tried to apologize but Josefina’s inhuman sounds drowned out
my words. Finally Rosa took her into the house.
Lidia returned and sat across the table from me.
Something went wrong up here, she said, touching her
head.
When did it happen? I asked.
A long time ago. The Nagual must have done something
to her, because all of a sudden she lost her speech.
Lidia seemed sad. I had the impression that her sadness
showed against her desire. I even felt tempted to tell her not
to struggle so hard to hide her emotions.
How does Josefina communicate with you people? I
asked. Does she write?
Come on, don’t be silly. She doesn’t write. She’s not you.
She uses her hands and feet to tell us what she wants.
Josefina and Rosa came back to the kitchen. They stood by
my side. I thought that Josefina was again the picture of in-
nocence and candor. Her beatific expression did not give the
slightest inkling of the fact that she could become so ugly, so
fast. Looking at her I had the sudden realization that her fab-
ulous ability for gestures undoubtedly was intimately linked
to her aphasia. I reasoned that only a person who had lost her
capacity to verbalize could be so versed in mimicry.
Rosa said to me that Josefina had confided that she wished
she could talk, because she liked me very much.
Until you came she was happy the way she was, Lidia
said in a harsh voice.
Josefina shook her head affirmatively, corroborating Lidia’s
statement, and went into a mild outburst of sounds.
I wish la Gorda was here, Rosa said. Lidia always gets
Josefina angry.
I don’t mean to! Lidia protested.
Josefina smiled at her and extended her arm to touch her. It
seemed as if she were attempting to apologize. Lidia brushed
her hand away.
Why, you mute imbecile, she muttered.
Josefina did not get angry. She looked away. There was so
much sadness in her eyes that I did not want to look at her. I
felt compelled to intercede.
She thinks she’s the only woman in the world who has
problems, Lidia snapped at me. The Nagual told us to drive
her hard and without mercy until she no longer feels sorry for
herself.
Rosa looked at me and reaffirmed Lidia’s claim with a nod of
her head.
Lidia turned to Rosa and ordered her to leave Josefina’s side.
Rosa moved away complyingly and sat on the bench next to
me.
The Nagual said that one of these days she will talk again,
Lidia said to me.
Hey! Rosa said, pulling my sleeve. Maybe you’re the
one who’ll make her talk.
Yes! Lidia exclaimed as if she had had the same thought.
Maybe that’s why we had to wait for you.
It’s so clear! Rosa added with the expression of having
had a true revelation.
Both of them jumped to their feet and embraced Josefina.
You’re going to talk again! Rosa exclaimed as she shook
Josefina by the shoulders.
Josefina opened her eyes and rolled them. She started mak-
ing faint, muffled sighs, as if she were sobbing, and ended up
running back and forth, crying like an animal. Her excitation
was so great that she seemed to have locked her jaws open. I
honestly thought that she was on the brink of a nervous break-
down. Lidia and Rosa ran to her side and helped her close her
mouth. But they did not try to calm her down.
You’re going to talk again! You’re going to talk again!
they shouted.
Josefina sobbed and howled in a manner that sent chills
down my spine.
I was absolutely confounded. I tried to talk sense to them.
I appealed to their reason, but then I realized that they had
very little of it, by my standards. I paced back and forth in
front of them, trying to figure out what to do.
You are going to help her, aren’t you? Lidia demanded.
Please, sir, please, Rosa pleaded with me.
I told them that they were crazy, that I could not possibly
know what to do. And yet, as I talked I noticed that there was
a funny feeling of optimism and certainty in the back of my
mind. I wanted to discard it at first, but it took hold of me.
Once before I had had a similar feeling in relation to a dear
friend of mine who was mortally ill. I thought I could make
her well and actually leave the hospital where she lay dying.
I even consulted don Juan about it.
Sure. You can cure her and make her walk out of that
death trap, he said.
How? I asked him.
It’s a very simple procedure, he said. All you have to do
is remind her that she’s an incurable patient. Since she’s a ter-
minal case she has power. She has nothing to lose anymore.
She’s lost everything already. When one has nothing to lose,
one becomes courageous. We are timid only when there is
something we can still cling to.
But is it enough just to remind her of that?
No. That will give her the boost she needs. Then she has
to push the disease away with her left hand. She must push
her arm out in front of her with her hand clenched as if she
were holding a knob. She must push on and on as she says out,
out, out. Tell her that, since she has nothing else to do, she
must dedicate every second of her remaining life to perform-
ing that movement. I assure you that she can get up and walk
away, if she wants to.
It sounds so simple, I said.
Don Juan chuckled.
It seems simple, he said, but it isn’t. In order to do this
your friend needs an impeccable spirit.
He looked at me for a long time. He seemed to be measur-
ing the concern and sadness I felt for my friend.
Of course, he added, if your friend had an impeccable
spirit she wouldn’t be there in the first place.
I told my friend what don Juan had said. But she was al-
ready too weak even to attempt to move her arm.
In Josefina’s case my rationale for my secret confidence was
the fact that she was a warrior with an impeccable spirit.
Would it be possible, I silently asked myself, to apply the
same hand movement to her?
I told Josefina that her incapacity to speak was due to some
sort of blockage.
Yes, yes, it’s a blockage, Lidia and Rosa repeated after me.
I explained to Josefina the arm movement and told her that
she had to push that blockage by moving her arm in that
fashion.
Josefina’s eyes were transfixed. She seemed to be in a trance.
She moved her mouth, making barely audible sounds. She tried
moving her arm, but her excitation was so intense that she
flung her arm without any coordination. I tried to redirect her
movements, but she appeared to be so thoroughly befuddled
that she could not even hear what I was saying. Her eyes went
out of focus and I knew she was going to faint. Rosa apparently
realized what was happening; she jumped away and grabbed
a cup of water and sprinkled it over Josefina’s face. Josefina’s
eyes rolled back, showing the whites of her eyes. She blinked