one is looking at oneself sleeping in bed. By the time a sorcerer
has had such a dream, his attention has been developed to such
a degree that instead of waking himself up, as most of us would
do in a similar situation, he turns on his heels and engages him-
self in activity, as if he were acting in the world of everyday
life. From that moment on there is a breakage, a division of
sorts in the otherwise unified personality. The result of en-
gaging the attention of the nagual and developing it to the
height and sophistication of our daily attention of the world
was, in don Juan’s scheme, the other self, an identical being as
oneself, but made in dreaming.
Don Juan had told me that there are no definite standard
steps for teaching that double, as there are no definite steps for
us to reach our daily awareness. We simply do it by practic-
ing. He contended that in the act of engaging our attention
of the nagual, we would find the steps. He urged me to prac-
tice dreaming without letting my fears make it into an en-
cumbering production.
He had done the same with la Gorda and the little sisters,
but obviously something in them had made them more recep-
tive to the idea of another level of attention.
Genaro was in his body of dreaming most of the time, la
Gorda said. He liked it better. That’s why he could do the
weirdest things and scare you half to death. Genaro could go
in and out of the crack between the worlds like you and I can
go in and out a door.
Don Juan had also talked to me at great length about the
crack between the worlds. I had always believed that he was
talking in a metaphorical sense about a subtle division between
the world that the average man perceives and the world that
sorcerers perceive.
La Gorda and the little sisters had shown me that the crack
between the worlds was more than a metaphor. It was rather
the capacity to change levels of attention. One part of me
understood la Gorda perfectly, while another part of me was
more frightened than ever.
You have been asking where the Nagual and Genaro
went, la Gorda said. Soledad was very blunt and told you
that they went to the other world; Lidia told you they left this
area; the Genaros were stupid and scared you. The truth is
that the Nagual and Genaro went through that crack.
For some reason, undefinable to me, her statements plunged
me into profound chaos. I had felt all along that they had left
for good. I knew that they had not left in an ordinary sense,
but I had kept that feeling in the realm of a metaphor. Al-
though I had even voiced it to close friends, I think I never
really believed it myself. In the depths of me I had always
been a rational man. But la Gorda and the little sisters had
turned my obscure metaphors into real possibilities. La Gorda
had actually transported us half a mile with the energy of her
dreaming.
La Gorda stood up and said that I had understood every-
thing, and that it was time for us to eat. She served us the food
that she had cooked. I did not feel like eating. At the end of
the meal she stood up and came to my side.
I think it’s time for you to leave, she said to me.
That seemed to be a cue for the little sisters. They also stood
up.
If you stay beyond this moment, you won’t be able to
leave anymore, la Gorda went on. The Nagual gave you
freedom once, but you chose to stay with him. He told me
that if we all survive the last contact with the allies I should
feed all of you, make you feel good and then say good-bye to
all of you. I figure that the little sisters and myself have no
place to go, so there is no choice for us. But you are different.
The little sisters surrounded me and each said good-bye to
me.
There was a monstrous irony in that situation. I was free to
leave but I had no place to go. There was no choice for me,
either. Years before don Juan gave me a chance to back out, I
stayed because already then I had no place to go.
We choose only once, he had said then. We choose
either to be warriors or to be ordinary men. A second choice
does not exist. Not on this earth.
6
The Second Attention
You have to leave later on today, la Gorda said to me right
after breakfast. Since you have decided to go with us, you
have committed yourself to helping us fulfill our new task.
The Nagual left me in charge only until you came. He en-
trusted me, as you already know, with certain things to tell
you. I’ve told you most of them. But there are still some I
couldn’t mention to you until you made your choice. Today
we will take care of them. Right after that you must leave in
order to give us time to get ready. We need a few days to
settle everything and to prepare to leave these mountains for-
ever. We have been here a very long time. It’s hard to break
away. But everything has come to a sudden end. The Nagual
warned us of the total change that you would bring, regard-
less of the outcome of your bouts, but I think no one really
believed him.
I fail to see why you have to change anything, I said.
I’ve explained it to you already, she protested. We have
lost our old purpose. Now we have a new one and that new
purpose requires that we become as light as the breeze. The
breeze is our new mood. It used to be the hot wind. You have
changed our direction.
You are talking in circles, Gorda.
Yes, but that’s because you’re empty. I can’t make it any
clearer. When you return, the Genaros will show you the art
of the stalker and right after that all of us will leave. The
Nagual said that if you decide to be with us the first thing I
should tell you is that you have to remember your bouts with
Soledad and the little sisters and examine every single thing
that happened to you with them, because everything is an
omen of what will happen to you on your path. If you are
careful and impeccable, you’ll find that those bouts were gifts
of power.
What’s dona Soledad going to do now?
She’s leaving. The little sisters have already helped her to
take her floor apart. That floor aided her to reach her attention
of the nagual. The lines had power to do that. Each of them
helped her gather a piece of that attention. To be incomplete
is no handicap to reaching that attention for some warriors.
Soledad was transformed because she got to that attention
faster than any of us. She doesn’t have to gaze at her floor any-
more to go into that other world, and now that there is no
more need for the floor, she has returned it to the earth where
she got it.
You are really determined to leave, Gorda, aren’t you?
All of us are. That’s why I’m asking you to go away for a
few days to give us time to pull down everything we have.
Am I the one who has to find a place for all of you,
Gorda?
If you were an impeccable warrior you would do just that.
But you’re not an impeccable warrior, and neither are we. But
still we will have to do our best to meet our new challenge.
I felt an oppressive sense of doom. I have never been one to
thrive on responsibilities. I thought that the commitment to
guide them was a crushing burden that I could not handle.
Maybe we don’t have to do anything, I said.
Yes. That’s right, she said, and laughed. Why don’t you
tell yourself that over and over until you feel safe? The
Nagual told you time and time again that the only freedom
warriors have is to behave impeccably.
She told me how the Nagual had insisted that all of them
understand that not only was impeccability freedom but it
was the only way to scare away the human form.
I narrated to her the way don Juan made me understand
what was meant by impeccability. He and I were hiking one
day through a very steep ravine when a huge boulder got
loose from its matrix on the rock wall and came down with a
formidable force and landed on the floor of the canyon,
twenty or thirty yards from where we were standing. The size