my pad out of reach.
Lidia suddenly stood up, mumbling something unintel-
ligible. La Gorda leaned over to me and whispered that the
Genaros were coming up the road. I strained to look but there
was no one in sight. Rosa and Josefina also stood up and then
went with Lidia inside the house.
I told la Gorda that I could not see anyone approaching.
She replied that the Genaros had been visible at one point on
the road and added that she had dreaded the moment when all
of us would have to get together, but that she was confident
that I could handle the situation. She advised me to be extra
careful with Josefina and Pablito because they had no control
over themselves. She said that the most sensible thing for me
to do would be to take the Genaros away after an hour or so.
I kept looking at the road. There was no sign of anyone
approaching.
Are you sure they’re coming? I asked.
She said that she had not seen them but that Lidia had. The
Genaros had been visible just for Lidia because she had been
gazing at the same time she had been bathing her eyes. I was
not sure what la Gorda had meant and asked her to explain.
We are gazers, she said. Just like yourself. We are all the
same. There is no need to deny that you’re a gazer. The
Nagual told us about your great feats of gazing.
My great feats of gazing! What are you talking about,
Gorda?
She contracted her mouth and appeared to be on the verge
of being irritated by my question; she seemed to catch herself.
She smiled and gave me a gentle shove.
At that moment she had a sudden flutter in her body. She
stared blankly past me, then she shook her head vigorously.
She said that she had just seen that the Genaros were not
coming after all; it was too early for them. They were going
to wait for a while before they made their appearance. She
smiled as if she were delighted with the delay.
It’s too early for us to have them here anyway, she said.
And they feel the same way about us.
Where are they now? I asked.
They must be sitting beside the road somewhere, she
replied. Benigno had no doubt gazed at the house as they
were walking and saw us sitting here and that’s why they
have decided to wait. That’s perfect. That will give us time.
You scare me, Gorda. Time for what?
You have to round up your second attention today, just
for us four.
How can I do that?
I don’t know. You are very mysterious to us. The Nagual
has done scores of things to you with his power plants, but
you can’t claim that as knowledge. That is what I’ve been
trying to tell you. Only if you have mastery over your second
attention can you perform with it; otherwise you’ll always
stay fixed halfway between the two, as you are now. Every-
thing that has happened to you since you arrived has been
directed to force that attention to spin. I’ve been giving you
instructions little by little, just as the Nagual told me to do.
Since you took another path, you don’t know the things that
we know, just like we don’t know anything about ‘power
plants. Soledad knows a bit more, because the Nagual took her
to his homeland. Nestor knows about medicinal plants, but
none of us has been taught the way you were. We don’t need
your knowledge yet. But someday when we are ready you are
the one who will know what to do to give us a boost with
power plants. I am the only one who knows where the
Nagual’s pipe is hidden, waiting for that day.
The Nagual’s command is that you have to change your
path and go with us. That means that you have to do dreaming
with us and stalking with the Genaros. You can’t afford any
longer to be where you are, on the awesome side of your
second attention. Another jolt of your nagual coming out of
you could kill you. The Nagual told me that human beings are
frail creatures composed of many layers of luminosity. When
you see them, they seem to have fibers, but those fibers are
really layers, like an onion. Jolts of any kind separate those
layers and can even cause human beings to die.
She stood up and led me back to the kitchen. We sat down
facing each other. Lidia, Rosa and Josefina were busy in the
yard. I could not see them but I could hear them talking and
laughing.
The Nagual said that we die because our layers become
separated, la Gorda said. Jolts are always separating them
but they get together again. Sometimes, though, the jolt is so
great that the layers get loose and can’t get back together
anymore.
Have you ever seen the layers, Gorda?
Sure. I sou a man dying in the street. The Nagual told me
that you also found a man dying, but you didn’t see his death.
The Nagual made me see the dying man’s layers. They were
like the peels of an onion. When human beings are healthy
they are like luminous eggs, but if they are injured they begin
to peel, like an onion.
The Nagual told me that your second attention was so
strong sometimes that it pushed all the way out. He and
Genaro had to hold your layers together; otherwise you
would’ve died. That’s why he figured that you might have
enough energy to get your nagual out of you twice. He meant
that you could hold your layers together by yourself twice.
You did it more times than that and now you are finished; you
have no more energy to hold your layers together in case of
another jolt. The Nagual has entrusted me to take care of
everyone; in your case, I have to help you to tighten your
layers. The Nagual said that death pushes the layers apart. He
explained to me that the center of our luminosity, which is the
attention of the nagual, is always pushing out, and that’s what
loosens the layers. So it’s easy for death to come in between
them and push them completely apart. Sorcerers have to do
their best to keep their own layers closed. That’s why the
Nagual taught us dreaming. Dreaming tightens the layers.
When sorcerers learn dreaming they tie together their two
attentions and there is no more need for that center to push
out.
Do you mean that sorcerers do not die?
That is right. Sorcerers do not die.
Do you mean that none of us is going to die?
I didn’t mean us. We are nothing. We are freaks, neither
here nor there. I meant sorcerers. The Nagual and Genaro are
sorcerers. Their two attentions are so tightly together that
perhaps they’ll never die.
Did the Nagual say that, Gorda?
Yes. He and Genaro both told me that. Not too long be-
fore they left, the Nagual explained to us the power of atten-
tion. I never knew about the tonal and the nagual until then.
La Gorda recounted the way don Juan had instructed them
about that crucial tonal-nagual dichotomy. She said that one
day the Nagual had all of them gather together in order to
take them for a long hike to a desolate, rocky valley in the
mountains. He made a large, heavy bundle with all kinds of
items; he even put Pablito’s radio in it. He then gave the
bundle to Josefina to carry and put a heavy table on Pablito’s
shoulders and they all started hiking. He made all of them take
turns carrying the bundle and the table as they hiked nearly
forty miles to that high, desolate place. When they arrived
there, the Nagual made Pablito set the table in the very center
of the valley. Then he asked Josefina to arrange the contents
of the bundle on the table. When the table was filled, he ex-
plained to them the difference between the tonal and the
nagual, in the same terms he had explained it to me in a restau-
rant in Mexico City, except that in their case his example was
infinitely more graphic.
He told them that the tonal was the order that we are aware
of in our daily world and also the personal order that we carry
through life on our shoulders, like they had carried that table
and the bundle. The personal tonal of each of us was like the
table in that valley, a tiny island filled with the things we are
familiar with. The nagual, on the other hand, was the inex-
plicable source that held that table in place and was like the
vastness of that deserted valley.
He told them that sorcerers were obligated to watch their