Cherryh, CJ – Merchanters Luck

I have. And I don’t think I’ll be meeting you elsewhere. I don’t think you’d

better plan on that.”

“You wait a minute. Just wait a minute.” He pulled his clothes on, caught at

disadvantage, zipped the plain coveralls and caught his breath and his dignity.

“Listen—I’m sorry about that mess on the docks. It was crazy. I never—never

intended that I didn’t expect them to be crazy here.”

Pell Operations is always on vid.—You didn’t know that. You know how you

sounded, coming in? Like a crazy man. Like someone crazy aiming a ship at the

station; and then like somebody in trouble… it was on the news channel, and

thousands of people were punching in on it. Misery, Stevens, it’s Pell. Alliance

captains are coming in here, big Names, flash ships… Finity’s End and Little

Bear, one after the other. Winifred. Pell folk know the Names. And some of these

free souls don’t take to regulations and some of them have privilege with a

capital P. When something comes in like you came—they appreciate style, these

Pell stationers. And being stationers they’re just a little ignorant about what

a stupid move you pulled and what dice you really shot out there at Tripoint

You’ve got a death wish, Stevens. Deep down somewhere, you’re self-destructive;

and you scare me. You’re trouble. To me. To yourself. To a system full of ships

and a station full of innocent people who had the good-heartedness to worry

about you after they realized you weren’t going to hit them. They think you did

it on skill. On dockside they think something else. They think you’re an ass,

Stevens, and I’m embarrassed for you, but I got you in here because I was stuck

with you after that scene on the docks; because you at least had the conscience

to warn Dublin when you risked our lives at Viking, and my Old Man called me in

on the carpet and looked me right in the eye and asked me what you were. When

this liberty’s over or before, I’m going to have to go on the carpet again and

answer why I got Dublin involved with you. And I still don’t know.”

He stood and took it. It was the truth. It was all the things that had shivered

down his backbone when he came in. “I’ve done the like before,” he said in a

quiet voice. “I told you that Sometimes I’ve had to do it I’ve had no choice. I

came in high in the range. But I miscalculated myself, not the ship; too long on

the dock at Viking, too little sleep, too little food—I wasn’t fit for it; that,

I admit to. But the solo runs—Lucy’s not Dublin. I bend the regulations. That’s

how someone like me has to operate. You’ve got to sleep; you do it on auto,

wherever you are. You’re redlighting and you’ve got to see to it; and you run on

auto. And you have to know that, even on Dublin, you have to know that all those

marginers like me, we’re running like that. It’s not neat and failsafed. I

thought I could do it. And I did it on luck at the end, and I should have let

you pass me at Viking. I wanted out of there. If I’d delayed my run when I had a

clearance—there were questions possible. And I went, that’s all.”

“And the interest in Dublin?”

He shrugged, arms folded.

“You make me nervous,” she said.

“You. I wanted to see you.”

She shook her head uneasily. “Most can wait for that privilege.”

“Some don’t have that much time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

A second shrug, less and less comfortable. “I don’t stay in one place very long.

And I’ll be gone again. I’ll stay low till you go. I think that’s about the best

thing I can do under the circumstances. When you pull out, I’ll set about

getting myself out of this. But no mention of Dublin. I promise that.”

She stared at him sidelong, a good moment. “I’m not posted. You understand—my

getting involved here—can keep me from being posted. Ever. It’s not a lark,

Stevens. It was.” She walked to the door, looked back. “I’ve got maybe ten

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