I have. And I don’t think I’ll be meeting you elsewhere. I don’t think you’d
better plan on that.”
“You wait a minute. Just wait a minute.” He pulled his clothes on, caught at
disadvantage, zipped the plain coveralls and caught his breath and his dignity.
“Listen—I’m sorry about that mess on the docks. It was crazy. I never—never
intended that I didn’t expect them to be crazy here.”
Pell Operations is always on vid.—You didn’t know that. You know how you
sounded, coming in? Like a crazy man. Like someone crazy aiming a ship at the
station; and then like somebody in trouble… it was on the news channel, and
thousands of people were punching in on it. Misery, Stevens, it’s Pell. Alliance
captains are coming in here, big Names, flash ships… Finity’s End and Little
Bear, one after the other. Winifred. Pell folk know the Names. And some of these
free souls don’t take to regulations and some of them have privilege with a
capital P. When something comes in like you came—they appreciate style, these
Pell stationers. And being stationers they’re just a little ignorant about what
a stupid move you pulled and what dice you really shot out there at Tripoint
You’ve got a death wish, Stevens. Deep down somewhere, you’re self-destructive;
and you scare me. You’re trouble. To me. To yourself. To a system full of ships
and a station full of innocent people who had the good-heartedness to worry
about you after they realized you weren’t going to hit them. They think you did
it on skill. On dockside they think something else. They think you’re an ass,
Stevens, and I’m embarrassed for you, but I got you in here because I was stuck
with you after that scene on the docks; because you at least had the conscience
to warn Dublin when you risked our lives at Viking, and my Old Man called me in
on the carpet and looked me right in the eye and asked me what you were. When
this liberty’s over or before, I’m going to have to go on the carpet again and
answer why I got Dublin involved with you. And I still don’t know.”
He stood and took it. It was the truth. It was all the things that had shivered
down his backbone when he came in. “I’ve done the like before,” he said in a
quiet voice. “I told you that Sometimes I’ve had to do it I’ve had no choice. I
came in high in the range. But I miscalculated myself, not the ship; too long on
the dock at Viking, too little sleep, too little food—I wasn’t fit for it; that,
I admit to. But the solo runs—Lucy’s not Dublin. I bend the regulations. That’s
how someone like me has to operate. You’ve got to sleep; you do it on auto,
wherever you are. You’re redlighting and you’ve got to see to it; and you run on
auto. And you have to know that, even on Dublin, you have to know that all those
marginers like me, we’re running like that. It’s not neat and failsafed. I
thought I could do it. And I did it on luck at the end, and I should have let
you pass me at Viking. I wanted out of there. If I’d delayed my run when I had a
clearance—there were questions possible. And I went, that’s all.”
“And the interest in Dublin?”
He shrugged, arms folded.
“You make me nervous,” she said.
“You. I wanted to see you.”
She shook her head uneasily. “Most can wait for that privilege.”
“Some don’t have that much time.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
A second shrug, less and less comfortable. “I don’t stay in one place very long.
And I’ll be gone again. I’ll stay low till you go. I think that’s about the best
thing I can do under the circumstances. When you pull out, I’ll set about
getting myself out of this. But no mention of Dublin. I promise that.”
She stared at him sidelong, a good moment. “I’m not posted. You understand—my
getting involved here—can keep me from being posted. Ever. It’s not a lark,
Stevens. It was.” She walked to the door, looked back. “I’ve got maybe ten