Christian Science by Mark Twain

echo could get over thirty dollars a week in a side-show. Many

impresarios would rather have him than a cow with four tails. If we

allow that this present scribe was setting down the “harmonies of

Heaven”–and certainly that seems to have been the case then there was

only one way to do it that I can think of: listen to the music and put

down the notes one after another as they fell. In that case Mrs. Eddy

did not invent the tune, she only entered it on paper. Therefore

dropping the metaphor–she was merely an amanuensis, and furnished

neither the language of Science and Health nor the ideas. It reduces her

to eight per cent. (and the dividends on that and the rest).

Is that it? We shall never know. For Mrs. Eddy is liable to testify

again at any time. But until she does it, I think we must conclude that

the Deity was Author of the whole book, and Mrs. Eddy merely His

telephone and stenographer. Granting this, her claim as the Voice of God

stands-for the present–justified and established.

POSTSCRIPT

I overlooked something. It appears that there was more of that utterance

than Mr. Peabody has quoted in the above paragraph. It will be found in

Mrs. Eddy’s organ, the Christian Science Journal (January, I901) and

reads as follows:

“It was not myself . . . which dictated Science and Health, with Key

to the Scriptures.”

That is certainly clear enough. The words which I have removed from that

important sentence explain Who it was that did the dictating. It was

done by

“the divine power of Truth and Love, infinitely above me.”

Certainly that is definite. At last, through her personal testimony, we

have a sure grip upon the following vital facts, and they settle the

authorship of Science and Health beyond peradventure:

1. Mrs. Eddy furnished “the ideas and the language.”

2. God furnished the ideas and the language.

It is a great comfort to have the matter authoritatively settled.

CHAPTER V

It is hard to locate her, she shifts about so much. She is a shining

drop of quicksilver which you put your finger on and it isn’t there.

There is a paragraph in the Autobiography (page 96) which places in

seemingly darkly significant procession three Personages:

1. The Virgin Mary

2. Jesus of Nazareth.

3. Mrs. Eddy.

This is the paragraph referred to:

“No person can take the individual place of the Virgin Mary. No person

can compass or fulfil the individual mission of Jesus of Nazareth. No

person can take the place of the author of Science and Health, the

discoverer and founder of Christian Science. Each individual must fill

his own niche in time and eternity.”

I have read it many times, but I still cannot be sure that I rightly

understand it. If the Saviour’s name had been placed first and the

Virgin Mary’s second and Mrs. Eddy’s third, I should draw the inference

that a descending scale from First Importance to Second Importance and

then to Small Importance was indicated; but to place the Virgin first,

the Saviour second, and Mrs. Eddy third, seems to turn the scale the

other way and make it an ascending scale of Importances, with Mrs. Eddy

ranking the other two and holding first place.

I think that that was perhaps the intention, but none but a seasoned

Christian Scientist can examine a literary animal of Mrs. Eddy’s creation

and tell which end of it the tail is on. She is easily the most baffling

and bewildering writer in the literary trade.

Eddy is a commonplace name, and would have an unimpressive aspect in the

list of the reformed Holy Family. She has thought of that. In the book

of By-laws written by her–“impelled by a power not one’s own”–there is

a paragraph which explains how and when her disciples came to confer a

title upon her; and this explanation is followed by a warning as to what

will happen to any female Scientist who shall desecrate it:

“The title of Mother. Therefore if a student of Christian Science shall

apply this title, either to herself or to others, except as the term for

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