Christian Science by Mark Twain

to Science and Health, Mrs. Eddy goes on to say “the Bible and the above-

-named book, with other works by the same author,” etc.

It is an unfortunate sentence, for it could mislead a hasty or careless

reader for a moment. Mrs. Eddy framed it–it is her very own–it bears

her trade-mark. “The Bible and Science and Health, with other works by

the same author,” could have come from no literary vacuum but the one

which produced the remark (in the Autobiography): “I remember reading, in

my childhood, certain manuscripts containing Scriptural Sonnets, besides

other verses and enigmas.”

We know what she means, in both instances, but a low-priced Clerk would

not necessarily know, and on a salary like his he could quite excusably

aver that the Pastor Emeritus had commanded him to come and make

proclamation that she was author of the Bible, and that she was thinking

of discharging some Scriptural sonnets and other enigmas upon the

congregation. It could lose him his place, but it would not be fair, if

it happened before the edict about “Understanding Communications” was

promulgated.

“READERS” AGAIN

The By-law book makes a showy pretence of orderliness and system, but it

is only a pretence. I will not go so far as to say it is a harum-scarum

jumble, for it is not that, but I think it fair to say it is at least

jumbulacious in places. For instance, Articles III. and IV. set forth

in much detail the qualifications and duties of Readers, she then skips

some thirty pages and takes up the subject again. It looks like

slovenliness, but it may be only art. The belated By-law has a

sufficiently quiet look, but it has a ton of dynamite in it. It makes

all the Christian Science Church Readers on the globe the personal

chattels of Mrs. Eddy. Whenever she chooses, she can stretch her long

arm around the world’s fat belly and flirt a Reader out of his pulpit,

though he be tucked away in seeming safety and obscurity in a lost

village in the middle of China:

“In any Church. Sec. 2. The Pastor Emeritus of the Mother-Church shall

have the right (through a letter addressed to the individual and Church

of which he is the Reader) to remove a Reader from this office in any

Church of Christ, Scientist, both in America and in foreign nations; or

to appoint the Reader to fill any office belonging to the Christian

Science denomination.”

She does not have to prefer charges against him, she does not have to

find him lazy, careless, incompetent, untidy, ill-mannered, unholy,

dishonest, she does not have to discover a fault of any kind in him, she

does not have to tell him nor his congregation why she dismisses and

disgraces him and insults his meek flock, she does not have to explain to

his family why she takes the bread out of their mouths and turns them

out-of-doors homeless and ashamed in a strange land; she does not have to

do anything but send a letter and say: “Pack! –and ask no questions!”

Has the Pope this power? –the other Pope –the one in Rome. Has he

anything approaching it? Can he turn a priest out of his pulpit and

strip him of his office and his livelihood just upon a whim, a caprice,

and meanwhile furnishing no reasons to the parish? Not in America. And

not elsewhere, we may believe.

It is odd and strange, to see intelligent and educated people among us

worshipping this self-seeking and remorseless tyrant as a God. This

worship is denied–by persons who are themselves worshippers of Mrs.

Eddy. I feel quite sure that it is a worship which will continue during

ages.

That Mrs. Eddy wrote that amazing By-law with her own hand we have much

better evidence than her word. We have her English. It is there. It

cannot be imitated. She ought never to go to the expense of copyrighting

her verbal discharges. When any one tries to claim them she should call

me; I can always tell them from any other literary apprentice’s at a

glance. It was like her to call America a “nation”; she would call a

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