Christian Science by Mark Twain

until she has examined and approved it, and that the lecturer is not

allowed to change it afterwards.

The members of the Board of Lectureship are elected annually–

“Subject to the approval of Rev. Mary Baker G. Eddy.”

MISSIONARIES

There are but four. They are elected–like the rest of the domestics–

annually. So far as I can discover, not a single servant of the Sacred

Household has a steady job except Mrs. Eddy. It is plain that she trusts

no human being but herself.

THE BY-LAWS

The branch Churches are strictly forbidden to use them.

So far as I can see, they could not do it if they wanted to. The By-laws

are merely the voice of the master issuing commands to the servants.

There is nothing and nobody for the servants to re-utter them to.

That useless edict is repeated in the little book, a few pages farther

on. There are several other repetitions of prohibitions in the book that

could be spared-they only take up room for nothing.

THE CREED

It is copyrighted. I do not know why, but I suppose it is to keep

adventurers from some day claiming that they invented it, and not Mrs.

Eddy and that “strange Providence” that has suggested so many clever

things to her.

No Change. It is forbidden to change the Creed. That is important, at

any rate .

COPYRIGHT

I can understand why Mrs. Eddy copyrighted the early editions and

revisions of Science and Health, and why she had a mania for copyrighting

every scrap of every sort that came from her pen in those jejune days

when to be in print probably seemed a wonderful distinction to her in her

provincial obscurity, but why she should continue this delirium in these

days of her godship and her far-spread fame, I cannot explain to myself.

And particularly as regards Science and Health. She knows, now, that

that Annex is going to live for many centuries; and so, what good is a

fleeting forty-two-year copyright going to do it?

Now a perpetual copyright would be quite another matter. I would like to

give her a hint. Let her strike for a perpetual copyright on that book.

There is precedent for it. There is one book in the world which bears

the charmed life of perpetual copyright (a fact not known to twenty

people in the world). By a hardy perversion of privilege on the part of

the lawmaking power the Bible has perpetual copyright in Great Britain.

There is no justification for it in fairness, and no explanation of it

except that the Church is strong enough there to have its way, right or

wrong. The recent Revised Version enjoys perpetual copyright, too–a

stronger precedent, even, than the other one.

Now, then, what is the Annex but a Revised Version itself? Which of

course it is–Lord’s Prayer and all. With that pair of formidable

British precedents to proceed upon, what Congress of ours–

But how short-sighted I am. Mrs. Eddy has thought of it long ago. She

thinks of everything. She knows she has only to keep her copyright of

1902 alive through its first stage of twenty-eight years, and perpetuity

is assured. A Christian Science Congress will reign in the Capitol then.

She probably attaches small value to the first edition (1875). Although

it was a Revelation from on high, it was slim, lank, incomplete, padded

with bales of refuse rags, and puffs from lassoed celebrities to fill it

out, an uncreditable book, a book easily sparable, a book not to be

mentioned in the same year with the sleek, fat, concise, compact,

compressed, and competent Annex of to-day, in its dainty flexible covers,

gilt–edges, rounded corners, twin screw, spiral twist, compensation

balance, Testament-counterfeit, and all that; a book just born to curl up

on the hymn-book-shelf in church and look just too sweet and holy for

anything. Yes, I see now what she was copyrighting that child for.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION

It is true in matters of business Mrs. Eddy thinks of everything. She

thought of an organ, to disseminate the Truth as it was in Mrs. Eddy.

Straightway she started one–the Christian Science Journal.

It is true–in matters of business Mrs. Eddy thinks of everything. As

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