Citizen of the Galaxy by Robert A. Heinlein

Colonel Brisby stared over the mast desk and his jaw muscles worked. He listened to Peebie’s account: “I asked him to pass the potatoes . . . and he hit me in the face with them.”

“That was all?”

“Well, sir, maybe I didn’t say please. But that’s no reason –”

“Never mind the conclusions. The fight go any farther?”

“No, sir. They separated us.”

“Very well. Baslim, what have you to say for yourself?”

“Nothing, sir.”

“Is that what happened?”

“Yes, sir.”

Brisby stopped to think, while his jaw muscles twitched. He felt angry, an emotion he did not permit himself at mast — he felt let down. Still, there must be more to it.

Instead of passing sentence be said, “Step aside. Colonel Stancke –”

“Yes, sir?”

“There were other men present. I want to hear from them.”

“I have them standing by, sir.”

“Very well.”

Thorby was convicted — three days bread & water, solitary, sentence suspended, thirty days probation; acting rank stricken.

Decibel Peebie was convicted (court trial waived when Brisby pointed out how the book could be thrown at him) of “Inciting to Riot, specification: using derogatory language with reference to another Guardsman’s Race, Religion, Birthplace, or Condition previous to entering Service, the Ship then being etc.” — sentence three days B & W, sol., suspended, reduction one grade, ninety days probation in ref. B & W, sol., only.

The Colonel and Vice Colonel went back to Brisby’s office. Brisby was looking glum; mast upset him at best Stancke said, “Too bad you had to clip the Baslim kid. I think be was justified.”

“Of course he was. But ‘Inciting to riot’ is no excuse for riot. Nothing is.”

“Sure, you had to. But I don’t like that Peebie character. I’m going to make a careful study of his efficiency marks.”

“Do that. But, confound it, Stinky — I have a feeling I started the fight myself.”

“Huh?”

“Two days ago I had to tell Baslim that we hadn’t been able to identify him. He walked out in a state of shock. I should have listened to my psych officer. The lad has scars that make him irresponsible under the right — I mean the ‘wrong’ — stimulus. I’m glad it was mashed potatoes and not a knife.”

“Oh, come now, boss! Mashed potatoes are hardly a deadly weapon.”

“You weren’t here when he got the bad news. Not knowing who he is hurts him.”

Stancke’s pudgy face pouted in thought “Boss? How old was this kid when he was captured?”

“Eh? Kris thinks he was about four.”

“Skipper, that backwoods place where you were born; at what age were you fingerprinted, blood-typed, retina-photographed and so forth?”

“Why, when I started school.”

“Me, too. I’ll bet they wait that long most places.”

Brisby blinked. “That’s why they wouldn’t have anything on him!”

“Maybe. But on Riff they take identity on a baby before he leaves the delivery room.”

“My people, too. But –”

“Sure, sure! It’s common practice. But how?”

Brisby looked blank, then banged the desk. “Footprints! And we didn’t send them in.” He slapped the talkie. “Eddie! Get Baslim here on the double!”

Thorby was glumly removing the chevron he had worn by courtesy for so short a time. He was scared by the peremptory order; it boded ill. But he hurried. Colonel Brisby glared at him. “Baslim, take off your shoes!”

“Sir?”

“Take off your shoes!”

Brisby’s dispatch questioning failure to identify and supplying BuPers with footprints was answered in forty-eight hours. It reached the Hydra as she made her final approach to Ultima Thule. Colonel Brisby decoded it when the ship had been secured dirtside.

It read; ” — GUARDSMAN THORBY BASLIM IDENTIFIED MISSING PERSON THOR BRADLEY RUDBEK TERRA NOT HEKATE TRANSFER RUDBEK FASTEST MILORCOM TERRA DISCHARGE ARRIVAL. NEXTKIN NOTIFIED REPEAT FASTEST CHFBUPERS.”

Brisby was chuckling. “Colonel Baslim is never wrong. Dead or alive, he’s never wrong!”

“Boss . . .”

“Huh?”

“Read it again. Notice who he is.”

Brisby reread the dispatch. Then he said in a hushed voice, “Why do things like this always happen to Hydra?” He strode over and snatched the door. “Eddie!”

Thorby was on beautiful Ultima Thule for two hours and twenty-seven minutes; what he saw of the famous scenery after coming three hundred light-years was the field between the Hydra and Guard Mail Courier Ariel. Three weeks later he was on Terra. He felt dizzy.

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