The collection also contained a comprehensive library of scripts for his movies, with all their addenda, including one marked up in Todd’s handwriting, along with a complete set of novelizations of the movies, leather-bound with gilt lettering. There were also credit-listings on all the crews who worked with him, costume sketches and call-sheets, and of course, posters of every size and nationality. If the Smithsonian ever wanted to open a wing dedicated to the life and career of Todd Pickett, Tammy had once boasted, they need look no further than her front room. Once, she’d attempted to enumerate the items she owned. It was something in the region of seventeen thousand three hundred, not including those pieces of which she had more than one copy.
It was to this shrine that Tammy had come after her frustrating exchange with Maxine Frizelle. She closed and locked the door (though Arnie would not be back from work and his after-hours carousing for several hours), and sat down to think. After a few minutes, turning over the conversation she’d just had, she went to the very back of the room, and took from its place amongst the treasure-trove a box of photographs. These were her special pride and joy: pictures of Todd (fourteen of them in all) which she’d managed to buy from somebody who’d known the still photographer on Todd’s fourth picture, Life Lessons. This was Todd’s coming-of-age picture: the one in which he’d changed from being a Boy to being a Man. Of course, his smile would always be a boy’s smile, that was part of its magic, but after Life Lessons he went on to play tougher roles: a homecoming soldier, a firelighter, a man wrongfully accused of his own wife’s murder. Here then, caught in the moment before his cinematic adulthood, was the boy-man of Tammy’s dreams. She had even purchased the negatives from which the series of pictures had been printed, and along with them the assurance from the person she’d got them from that they had been ‘lost’ in the production offices before they were ever seen by the director, the producer or by Todd himself. In short, she had the only copies.
Their rarity wasn’t the reason she valued them so highly however. What made them her special treasure — the quality that made her return to them over and over, when Arnie was out at work, and she knew she had time for reverie — was the fact that the photographer had caught his subject unawares. Well, shirtless and unawares. Todd was sleek and pale, his body not heavy at all, not all muscle and veins popping out, just a nice, ordinary body; the body of the boy next door if the boy next door happened to be perfect. She had never seen a body she thought so beautiful. Then there was his face. Oh that face! She’d seen literally thousands of photographs of Todd in the last eleven years — and to her adoring eyes he was handsome in every single one of them — but in these particular pictures he was something more than handsome. There was a certain lost look in his eyes, that allowed her to indulge the belief that if she’d been there at that moment — if he’d seen her and looked at her with the same forsaken feeling in his heart as was in his eyes — everything in her life would have been different; and maybe, just maybe, everything in his.
When she was thinking clearly, she knew all this was romantic nonsense. She was a plain woman; and, even though she’d shed thirty-two pounds in the last two years, was still thirty overweight. How could she hope to compare with the glossy beauties Todd had romanced, both on screen and off? Still she allowed herself the indulgence, once in a while. It made life in Sacramento a little more bearable to know that her secret glimpses of Todd were always there, hidden away, waiting for her. And best of all, nobody else had them. They were hers and hers alone.
There was one other wonderful thing about the fourteen pictures: they had been snapped in such quick succession that if she leafed through them fast enough she could almost create the illusion of movement. She did that now, while she thought about the way Maxine had talked to her on the phone. That nonsense about Todd going away to write his life story, or whatever she’d said it was going to be; it didn’t ring true. It simply wasn’t like Todd to be so inaccessible. Every vacation he’d taken — in India, in New Guinea, in the Amazon, for God’s sake — he’d been spotted. Somebody had had a camera, and he’d posed; smiled, waved, goofed around. It just wasn’t like him to disappear like this.