Columbus Was a Dope by Robert A Heinlein
Columbus Was a Dope by Robert A Heinlein
“I do like to wet down a sale,” the fat man said happily, raising his voice above the sighing of the air conditioner. ” Drink up, Professor, I’m two ahead of you.”
He glanced up from their table as the elevator door opposite them opened. A man stepped out into the cool dark of the bar and stood blinking, as if he had just come from the desert glare outside.
“Hey, Fred – Fred Nolan,” the fat man called out. “Come over!” He turned to his guest. “Man I met on the hop from New York. Siddown, Fred. Shake hands with Professor Appleby, chief engineer of the star ship Pegasus – or will be when she’s built. I just sold the professor an order of bum steel for his crate. Have a drink on it.”
“Glad to, Mr. Barnes,” Nolan agreed. “I’ve met Dr. Appleby. On business – Climax Instrument Company.”
“Huh?”
“Climax is supplying us with precision equipment,” offered Appleby.
Barnes looked surprised, then grinned. “That’s one on me. I took Fred for a government man, or one of you scientific johnnies. What’ll it be, Fred? Old fashioned? The same, Professor?”
“Right. But please don’t call me ‘Professor.’ I’m not one and it ages me. I’m still young.”
“I’ll say you are, uh – Doc. Pete! Two old fashioneds and another double Manhattan! I guess I expected a comic book scientist, with a long white beard. But now that I’ve met you, I can’t figure out one thing.”
“Which is?”
“Well, at your age you bury yourself in this god-forsaken place – ”
“We couldn’t build the Pegasus on Long Island,” Appleby pointed out, “and this is the ideal spot for the take off.”
“Yeah, sure, but that’s not it. It’s – well, mind you, I sell steel. You want special alloys for a star ship; I sell it to you. But just the same, now that businesses out of the way, why do you want to do it? Why try to go to Proxima Centauri, or any other star?”
Appleby looked amused. “It can’t be explained. Why do men try to climb Mount Everest? What took Peary to the North Pole? Why did Columbus get the Queen to hock her jewels? Nobody has ever been to Proxima Centauri – so we’re going.”
Barnes turned to Nolan. “Do you get it, Fred?”
Nolan shrugged. “I sell precision equipment. Some people raise chrysanthemums; some build star ships. I sell instruments.”
Barnes’s friendly face looked puzzled. “Well – ” The bartender put down their drinks. “Say, Pete, tell me something. Would you go along on the Pegasus expedition if you could?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
“I like it here.”
Dr. Appleby nodded. “There’s your answer, Barnes, in reverse. Some have the Columbus spirit and some haven’t”
“It’s all very well to talk about Columbus,” Barnes persisted, ” but he expected to come back. You guys don’t expect to. Sixty years – you told me it would take sixty years. Why, you may not even live to get there.”
“No, but our children will. And our grandchildren will come back.”
“But – say, you’re not married?”
“Certainly I am. Family men only on the expedition. It’s a two-to-three generation job. You know that.” He hauled out a wallet. “There’s Mrs. Appleby, with Diane. Diane is three-and-a-half.”
“She’s a pretty baby,” Barnes said soberly and passed it on to Nolan, who smiled at it and handed it back to Appleby. Barnes went on. “What happens to her?”
“She goes with us, naturally. You wouldn’t want her put in an orphanage, would you?”
“No, but – ” Barnes tossed off the rest of his drink. “I don’t get it,” he admitted. “Who’ll have another drink?”
“Not for me, thanks,” Appleby declined, finishing his more slowly and standing up. “I’m due home. Family man, you know.” He smiled.
Barnes did not try to stop him. He said goodnight and watched Appleby leave.
“My round,” said Nolan. “The same?”
“Huh? Yeah, sure.” Barnes stood up. “Let’s get up to the bar, Fred, where we can drink properly. I need about six.”