“Ah, yes, Phineas Theophilus Potts. Yes, entered training 1903. Hmmm. Dismissed after two years of study, due to a feeling he might … might not be quite temperamentally suited to the work and that he was somewhat too fana … ahem! … overly zealous in his criticism of others. Then transferred to his uncle’s shop and took up drafting, which was thereafter his life’s work. Umm. Really, that’s too bad.” Alexander turned back to Phineas. “Then, Mr. Potts, I take it you never had any actual experience at this sort of work?”
Phineas squirmed. “No, but”
“Too bad.” Alexander sighed. “Really, I’d like to make things more to your satisfaction, but after all, no experienceafraid it wouldn’t do. Tell you what, we don’t like to be hasty in our judgments; if you’ll just picture exactly the life you wantno need to describe ft, I’ll get it if you merely think itmaybe we can adjust things. Try hard now.”
With faint hope, Phineas tried. Alexander’s voice droned out at him. “A little harder. No, that’s only a negative picture of what you’d like not to do. Ah … um no. I thought for a minute you had something, but it’s gone. I think you’re trying to picture abstractions, Mr. Potts, and you know one can’t do that; I get something very vague, but it makes no sense. There! That’s better.”
He seemed to listen for a few seconds longer, and Phineas was convinced now it was all sham; he’d given up trying. What was the use? Vague jumbled thoughts were all he had left, and now Alexander’s voice broke in on them.
“Really, Mr. Potts, I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do for you. I get a very clear picture now, but it’s exactly the life we’d arranged for you, you see. Same room, same work. Apparently that’s the only life you know. Of course, if you want to improve we have a great many very fine schools located throughout the city.”
Phineas jerked upright, the control over his temper barely on. “You meanyou mean, I’ve got to go on like that?”
“Afraid so.”
“But you distinctly said this was heaven.”
“It is.”
“And I tell you,” Phineas cried, forgetting all about controlling his temper, “that this is hell!”
“Quite so, I never denied it. Now, Mr. Potts, I’d like to discuss this further, but others are waiting, so I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
Alexander looked up from his papers, and as he’ looked, Phineas found himself outside the door, shaken and sick. The door remained open as the girl called Katy came up, looked at him in surprise, and went in. Then it closed, but still he stood there, unable to move, leaning against the wooden frame for support.
There was a mutter of voices within, and his whirling thoughts seized on them for anchor. Katy’s voice first. “seems to take it terribly hard, Mr. Alexander. Isn’t there something we can do?”
Then the low voice of Alexander. “Nothing, Katy. It’s up to him now. I suggested the schools, but I’m afraid he’s another unfortunate. Probably even now he’s out there convincing himself that all this is merely illusion, made to try his soul and test his ability to remain unchanged. If that’s the case, well, poor devil, there isn’t much we can do, you know.”
But Phineas wasn’t listening then. He clutched the words he’d heard savagely to his bosom and went stiffly out and back toward the office of G. R. Sloane across from the little room, No. 408. Of course he should have known. All this was merely illusion, made to try his soul. Illusion and test, no more.
Let them try him, they would find him humble in his sufferings as always, not complaining, resisting firmly their temptations. Even though Sloane denied him the right to fast, still he would find some other way to do proper penance for his sins; though Callahan broke his back, though a thousand bees attacked him at once, still he would prevail.
“Forgive and guide me to sin no more, but preserve me in righteousness all the days of my life,” he repeated, and turned into the building where there was more work and misery waiting for him. Sometime he’d be rewarded. Sometime.
Back in his head a small shred of doubt sniggered gleefully.