cleared the space, someone zipped in.
First time all day I’d felt useful.
When I got home, just before five, I found a note from Robin saying
she’d be working late unless I had something else on my mind. I had
plenty, but none of it included fun. I called her, got a machine and
told her I loved her and that I’d be working too. Though as I said it,
I realized I didn’t know at what.
I phoned ~rker Center. A nasal, high-pitched male voice answered.
“Records.”
“Detective Sturgis, please.”
“He’s not he-ere.”
“When will he be back?”
“Who is this?”
Alex Delaware. A friend.”
He pronounced my name as if it were a disease, then said, “I have
absolutely no idea, Mr. Delaware.”
“Do you know if he’s gone for the day?”
“I wouldn’t know that either” “Is this Charlie?” use. Throat clear.
“This is Charles Flannery. Do I know you?”
“No, but Milo’s talked about how much you’ve taught him.”
Longer pause, more throat clears. “How grand of him. If you’re
interested in your fiends’ schedule, I suggest you call the deputy
chief’s office.”
“Why would they know?”
“Because he’s there, Mr. Delaware. As of half an hour ago. And
please don’t ask me why, because I don’t kno-ow. No one tells me
anything.”
The deputy chief’s. Milo in trouble again. I hoped it wasn’t because
of something he’d done for me. As I thought about it, Robin called
back.
“Hi, how’s the little girl?”
“I may have pinned down what’s happening to her, but I’m øøøyøø worried
it may have made things worse for her.”
“How could that be?”
I told her.
She said, “Have you told Milo yet?”
“I just tried to reach him and he’s been called into the deputy chief’s
office. He’s been flee-lancing for me on the department computer. I
hope it didn’t mess him up.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, he can handle himself-he’s shown that.”
“What a mess,” I said. “This case is bringing back too many memories,
Robin. All those years at the hospital-eighty-hour weeks and all the
suffering you can eat. So much garbage I couldn’t do anything
about’.
The doctors weren’t always effective either, but at least they had
their pills and their scalpels. All I had were words and nods and
meaningful pauses and some fancy behavioral technology that I rarely
got a chance to use. Half the time I walked around the wards feeling
like a carpenter with bad tools.”
She said nothing.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “Self-pity’s a bore.”
“You can’t suckle the world, Alex.”
“Now there’s an image for you.”
“I mean it. You’re as masculine as they come but sometimes I think
you’re a frustrated mother-wanting to/eed everyone. Take care of
everything. That can be good-look at all the people you’ve helped.
Including Milo, but “Milo?”
“Sure. Look at what he’s got to deal with. A gay cop in a department
that denies there’s any such thing. Officially, he doesn’t exist.
Think of the alienation, day in and day out. Sure he’s got Rick, but
that’s his other world. Your friendship’s a connection for him-an
extension to the rest of the world.”
“I’m not his friend out of charity, Robin. It’s no big political
thing. I just like him as a human being.”
“Exactly. He knows the kind of friend you are-he once told me it took
him six months to get used to having a straight friend.
Someone who would just take him at face value. Told me he hadn’t had a
friend like that since junior high. He also appreciates the fact that
you don’t play therapist with him. That’s why he extends himself for
you. And if he’s gotten in trouble because of it, he can deal with
it.
Lord knows he’s dealt with worse- Oops, gotta turn off the saw.
That’s all the profundity you get out of me today.”
“When did you get so wise?”
“It’s always been there, Curly. You just have to have your eyes
open.”
Alone again, I felt like jumping out of my skin. I called my
service.
Four messages: a lawyer asking me to consult on a child custody case,
someone with an M.B.A. promising to help me build my practice, the