cadets at inspection.
Cindy settled in the rocker with Cassie in her arms. Cassie molded to
her like butter on bread. Not a trace of tension in the little body.
Cindy closed her eyes and rocked, stroking Cassie’s back, smoothing
sleep-moistened strands of hair. Cassie took a deep breath let it out,
nestled her head under Cindy’s chin, and made highpitched contented
sounds.
I lowered myself to the floor and sat cross-legged-shrink’s analytical
lotus-watching, thinking, suspecting, imagining worstcases and
beyond.
After a few minutes my joints began to ache and I got up and
stretched.
Cindy’s eyes followed me. We traded smiles. She pressed her cheek to
Cassie’s head and shrugged.
I whispered, “Take your time,” and began walking around the room.
Running my hands along the dustless surfaces of furniture, inspecting
the contents of the toy case while trying not to look too
inquisitive.
Good staff. The right staff. Each game and plaything safe, and
age-appropriate, and educational.
Something white caught the corner of my eye. The buckteeth of one of
the LuvBunnies. In the dim light of the nursery the critter’s grin and
those of its mates seemed malevolent-mocking.
I remembered those grins from Cassie’s hospital room and a crazy
thought hit me.
Toxic toys. Acridenial poisoning.
I’d read about a case in a child health journal-stuffed animals from
Korea that turned out to be filled with waste fibers from a chemical
plant.
Delaware solves the mystery and everyone goes home happy.
Picking up the nearest bunny-a yellow one-I squeezed its belly, felt
the give-and-rebound of firm foam. Raising the toy to my nose, I
smelled nothing. The label said MADE IN TAIWAN OF LUVPURE AND
FIREPROOF MATERIALS. Below that was an approval seal from one of the
family magazines.
Something along the seam two snaps. A trapdoor flap that could be
undone. I pulled it open. The sound made Cindy turn. Her eyebrows
were up.
I poked around, found nothing, fastened the snap, and put the toy
back.
Allergies, right?” she said, talking just above a whisper. “To the
stuffing-I thought of that too. But Dr. Eves had her tested and she’s
not allergic to anything. For a while, though, I washed the bunnies
every day. Washed all her cloth toys and her bedding with Ivory
Liquid. It’s the gentlest.”
I nodded.
“We pulled up the carpeting, too, to see if there was mold in the
padding or something in the glue. Chip had heard of people getting
sick in office buildings-‘sick buildings,’ they call them.
We had a company come out and clean the air-conditioning ducts, and
Chip had the paint checked, to see if there was lead or chemicals.”
Her voice had risen and taken on an edge again. Cassie squirmed.
Cindy rocked her quiet.
“I’m always looking,” she whispered. All the time-ever since
thebeginning.”
She covered her mouth with her hand. Removed the hand and slapped it
down to her knee, pinkening the white skin.
Cassie’s eyes shot open.
Cindy rocked harder, faster. Fighting for composure.
“First one, now the other,” she whispered-loud, almost hissing. “Maybe
I’m just not supposed to be a mother!”
I went over and placed my hand on her shoulder. She slid out from
under it, shot up out of the rocker, and thrust Cassie at me.
Tears streamed from her eyes, and her hands shook.
“Here! Here! I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not meant to be a
mother!”
Cassie began whimpering, then gulping air.
Cindy thrust her at me again and, when I took her, ran across the
room.
My hands were around Cassie’s waist. She was arching her back.
Wailing, fighting me.
I tried to comfort her. She wouldn’t let me.
Cindy threw open a door, exposing blue tile. Running into the
bathroom, she slammed the door. I heard the sound of retching,
followed by a toilet flush.
Cassie squirmed and kicked and screamed louder. I got a firm grasp
around her middle and patted her back. “It’s okay, honey.
Mommy’s coming right back. It’s okay.”
She coiled more violently, punching at my face, continuing to
caterwaul. I tried to contain her while providing comfort. She jerked
and turned scarlet, threw her little head back and howled, nearly