was rattling.”
Her lips began to quiver. She stilled them with a hand. Crushed the
tissue I’d given her with the other.
I said, “Scary.”
“T”r’jying,” she said, looking me in the eye. “But the worst thing was
watching her suffer and not being able to do anything. The
helplessness-it’s the worst thing. I knew better than to pick her up,
but still. . . Do you have children?”
“No.”
Her eyes left my face, as if she’d suddenly lost interest. Sighing,
she got up and walked to the bed, still carrying the crumpled tissue.
She bent, tucked the blanket higher around the little girl’s neck, and
kissed Cassie’s cheek. Cassie’s breathing quickened for a second, then
slowed. Cindy remained at the bedside, watching her sleep.
“She’s beautiful,” I said.
“She’s my pudding pie.”
She reached down, touched Cassie’s forehead, then drew back her arm and
let it drop to her side. After gazing down for several more seconds,
she returned to the chair.
I said, “In terms of her suffering, there’s no evidence seizures are
painful.”
“That’s what Dr. Eves says,” she said doubtfully. “I sure hope so but
if you’d have seen her afterwards-she was just drained.”
She turned and stared out the window. I waited a while, then
said,”Except for the headache, how’s she doing today?”
“Okay. For the little she’s been up.”
And the headache occurred at five this morning?”
“Yes. She woke up with it.”
“Vicki was already on shift by then?”
Nod. “She’s pulling a double-came on last night for the
eleven-to-seven and stayed for the seven-to-three.
“Pretty dedicated.”
“She is. She’s a big help. We’re lucky to have her.”
“Does she ever come out to the house?”
That surprised her. just a couple of times-not to help, just to
visit.
She brought Cassie her first LuvBunny, and now Cassie’s in love with
them.”
The look of surprise remained on her face. Rather than deal with it, I
said, “How did Cassie let you know her head hurt,” “By pointing to it
and crying. She didn’t tell me, if that’s what you mean. She only has
a few words. Daw for dog, bah-bah for bottle, and even with those,
sometimes she still points. Dr. Eves says she’s a few months behind
in her language development.”
“It’s not unusual for children who’ve been hospitalized a lot to lag a
bit. It’s not permanent.”
“I try to work with her at home-talking to her as much as I can. I
read to her when she’ll let me.”
“Good.”
“Sometimes she likes it but sometimes she’s really jumpyespecially
after a bad night.”
Are there a lot of bad nights?”
“Not a lot, but they’re hard on her.”
“What happens?”
“She wakes up as if she’s having a bad dream. Tossing and turning and
crying. I hold her and sometimes she falls back to sleep.
But sometimes she’s up for a long time-kind of weepy. The morning
after, she’s usually jumpy.” jumpy in what way?”
“Has trouble concentrating. Other times she can concentrate on
something for a long time-an hour or more. I look for those times, try
to read to her, talk to her. So that her speech will pick up. Any
other suggestions?”
“Sounds like you’re on the right track,” I said.
“Sometimes I get the feeling she doesn’t talk because she doesn’t have
to. I guess I can tell what she wants, and I give it to her before she
has to talk.”
“Was that what happened with the headache?”
“Exactly. She woke up crying and tossing around. First thing I did
was touch her forehead to see if she was warm. Cool as a cucumber.
Which didn’t surprise me it wasn’t a scared cry. More of a pain cry.
By now I can tell the difference. So I started asking her what hurt
and she finally touched her head. I know it doesn’t sound scientific,
but you just kind of develop a feel for a child-almost like radar.”
Glance at the bed. “If her CAT scan hadn’t come back normal that same
afternoon, I would have really been scared.”
“Because of the headache?”
After you’re here long enough, you see things. Start thinking of the