Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

already in the uncommercial line.

This was a man who, though not more than thirty, had seen the world

in divers irreconcilable capacities – had been an officer in a

South American regiment among other odd things – but had not

achieved much in any way of life, and was in debt, and in hiding.

He occupied chambers of the dreariest nature in Lyons Inn; his

name, however, was not up on the door, or door-post, but in lieu of

it stood the name of a friend who had died in the chambers, and had

given him the furniture. The story arose out of the furniture, and

was to this effect:- Let the former holder of the chambers, whose

name was still upon the door and door-post, be Mr. Testator.

Mr. Testator took a set of chambers in Lyons Inn when he had but

very scanty furniture for his bedroom, and none for his sittingroom.

He had lived some wintry months in this condition, and had

found it very bare and cold. One night, past midnight, when he sat

writing and still had writing to do that must be done before he

went to bed, he found himself out of coals. He had coals downstairs,

but had never been to his cellar; however the cellar-key

was on his mantelshelf, and if he went down and opened the cellar

it fitted, he might fairly assume the coals in that cellar to be

his. As to his laundress, she lived among the coal-waggons and

Thames watermen – for there were Thames watermen at that time – in

some unknown rat-hole by the river, down lanes and alleys on the

other side of the Strand. As to any other person to meet him or

obstruct him, Lyons Inn was dreaming, drunk, maudlin, moody,

betting, brooding over bill-discounting or renewing – asleep or

awake, minding its own affairs. Mr. Testator took his coal-scuttle

in one hand, his candle and key in the other, and descended to the

dismallest underground dens of Lyons Inn, where the late vehicles

in the streets became thunderous, and all the water-pipes in the

neighbourhood seemed to have Macbeth’s Amen sticking in their

throats, and to be trying to get it out. After groping here and

there among low doors to no purpose, Mr. Testator at length came to

a door with a rusty padlock which his key fitted. Getting the door

open with much trouble, and looking in, he found, no coals, but a

confused pile of furniture. Alarmed by this intrusion on another

man’s property, he locked the door again, found his own cellar,

filled his scuttle, and returned up-stairs.

But the furniture he had seen, ran on castors across and across Mr.

Testator’s mind incessantly, when, in the chill hour of five in the

morning, he got to bed. He particularly wanted a table to write

at, and a table expressly made to be written at, had been the piece

of furniture in the foreground of the heap. When his laundress

emerged from her burrow in the morning to make his kettle boil, he

artfully led up to the subject of cellars and furniture; but the

two ideas had evidently no connexion in her mind. When she left

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Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

him, and he sat at his breakfast, thinking about the furniture, he

recalled the rusty state of the padlock, and inferred that the

furniture must have been stored in the cellars for a long time –

was perhaps forgotten – owner dead, perhaps? After thinking it

over, a few days, in the course of which he could pump nothing out

of Lyons Inn about the furniture, he became desperate, and resolved

to borrow that table. He did so, that night. He had not had the

table long, when he determined to borrow an easy-chair; he had not

had that long, when he made up his mind to borrow a bookcase; then,

a couch; then, a carpet and rug. By that time, he felt he was ‘in

furniture stepped in so far,’ as that it could be no worse to

borrow it all. Consequently, he borrowed it all, and locked up the

cellar for good. He had always locked it, after every visit. He

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