Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

eyes off the half a ton of copper or the bushel of tenpenny nails;

for nails and copper are a shipwright’s sweethearts, and

shipwrights will run away with them whenever they can. So, the

Devil said, ‘I see what you are looking at, Chips. You had better

strike the bargain. You know the terms. Your father before you

was well acquainted with them, and so were your grandfather and

great-grandfather before him.’ Says Chips, ‘I like the copper, and

I like the nails, and I don’t mind the pot, but I don’t like the

rat.’ Says the Devil, fiercely, ‘You can’t have the metal without

him – and HE’S a curiosity. I’m going.’ Chips, afraid of losing

the half a ton of copper and the bushel of nails, then said, ‘Give

us hold!’ So, he got the copper and the nails and the pot and the

rat that could speak, and the Devil vanished. Chips sold the

copper, and he sold the nails, and he would have sold the pot; but

whenever he offered it for sale, the rat was in it, and the dealers

dropped it, and would have nothing to say to the bargain. So,

Chips resolved to kill the rat, and, being at work in the Yard one

day with a great kettle of hot pitch on one side of him and the

iron pot with the rat in it on the other, he turned the scalding

pitch into the pot, and filled it full. Then, he kept his eye upon

it till it cooled and hardened, and then he let it stand for twenty

days, and then he heated the pitch again and turned it back into

the kettle, and then he sank the pot in water for twenty days more,

and then he got the smelters to put it in the furnace for twenty

days more, and then they gave it him out, red hot, and looking like

red-hot glass instead of iron-yet there was the rat in it, just the

same as ever! And the moment it caught his eye, it said with a

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Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

jeer:

‘A Lemon has pips,

And a Yard has ships,

And I’ll have Chips!’

(For this Refrain I had waited since its last appearance, with

inexpressible horror, which now culminated.) Chips now felt

certain in his own mind that the rat would stick to him; the rat,

answering his thought, said, ‘I will – like pitch!’

Now, as the rat leaped out of the pot when it had spoken, and made

off, Chips began to hope that it wouldn’t keep its word. But, a

terrible thing happened next day. For, when dinner-time came, and

the Dock-bell rang to strike work, he put his rule into the long

pocket at the side of his trousers, and there he found a rat – not

that rat, but another rat. And in his hat, he found another; and

in his pocket-handkerchief, another; and in the sleeves of his

coat, when he pulled it on to go to dinner, two more. And from

that time he found himself so frightfully intimate with all the

rats in the Yard, that they climbed up his legs when he was at

work, and sat on his tools while he used them. And they could all

speak to one another, and he understood what they said. And they

got into his lodging, and into his bed, and into his teapot, and

into his beer, and into his boots. And he was going to be married

to a corn-chandler’s daughter; and when he gave her a workbox he

had himself made for her, a rat jumped out of it; and when he put

his arm round her waist, a rat clung about her; so the marriage was

broken off, though the banns were already twice put up – which the

parish clerk well remembers, for, as he handed the book to the

clergyman for the second time of asking, a large fat rat ran over

the leaf. (By this time a special cascade of rats was rolling down

my back, and the whole of my small listening person was overrun

with them. At intervals ever since, I have been morbidly afraid of

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