Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

‘the Refractories,’ towards whom my quick little matron – for whose

adaptation to her office I had by this time conceived a genuine

respect – drew me next, and marshalled me the way that I was going.

The Refractories were picking oakum, in a small room giving on a

yard. They sat in line on a form, with their backs to a window;

before them, a table, and their work. The oldest Refractory was,

say twenty; youngest Refractory, say sixteen. I have never yet

ascertained in the course of my uncommercial travels, why a

Refractory habit should affect the tonsils and uvula; but, I have

always observed that Refractories of both sexes and every grade,

between a Ragged School and the Old Bailey, have one voice, in

which the tonsils and uvula gain a diseased ascendency.

‘Five pound indeed! I hain’t a going fur to pick five pound,’ said

the Chief of the Refractories, keeping time to herself with her

head and chin. ‘More than enough to pick what we picks now, in

sich a place as this, and on wot we gets here!’

(This was in acknowledgment of a delicate intimation that the

amount of work was likely to be increased. It certainly was not

heavy then, for one Refractory had already done her day’s task – it

was barely two o’clock – and was sitting behind it, with a head

exactly matching it.)

‘A pretty Ouse this is, matron, ain’t it?’ said Refractory Two,

‘where a pleeseman’s called in, if a gal says a word!’

‘And wen you’re sent to prison for nothink or less!’ said the

Chief, tugging at her oakum as if it were the matron’s hair. ‘But

any place is better than this; that’s one thing, and be thankful!’

A laugh of Refractories led by Oakum Head with folded arms – who

originated nothing, but who was in command of the skirmishers

outside the conversation.

‘If any place is better than this,’ said my brisk guide, in the

calmest manner, ‘it is a pity you left a good place when you had

one.’

‘Ho, no, I didn’t, matron,’ returned the Chief, with another pull

at her oakum, and a very expressive look at the enemy’s forehead.

‘Don’t say that, matron, cos it’s lies!’

Oakum Head brought up the skirmishers again, skirmished, and

retired.

‘And I warn’t a going,’ exclaimed Refractory Two, ‘though I was in

one place for as long as four year – I warn’t a going fur to stop

in a place that warn’t fit for me – there! And where the family

warn’t ‘spectable characters – there! And where I fortunately or

hunfort’nately, found that the people warn’t what they pretended to

make theirselves out to be – there! And where it wasn’t their

faults, by chalks, if I warn’t made bad and ruinated – Hah!’

During this speech, Oakum Head had again made a diversion with the

skirmishers, and had again withdrawn.

Page 15

Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

The Uncommercial Traveller ventured to remark that he supposed

Chief Refractory and Number One, to be the two young women who had

been taken before the magistrate?

‘Yes!’ said the Chief, ‘we har! and the wonder is, that a pleeseman

an’t ‘ad in now, and we took off agen. You can’t open your lips

here, without a pleeseman.’

Number Two laughed (very uvularly), and the skirmishers followed

suit.

‘I’m sure I’d be thankful,’ protested the Chief, looking sideways

at the Uncommercial, ‘if I could be got into a place, or got

abroad. I’m sick and tired of this precious Ouse, I am, with

reason.’

So would be, and so was, Number Two. So would be, and so was,

Oakum Head. So would be, and so were, Skirmishers.

The Uncommercial took the liberty of hinting that he hardly thought

it probable that any lady or gentleman in want of a likely young

domestic of retiring manners, would be tempted into the engagement

of either of the two leading Refractories, on her own presentation

of herself as per sample.

‘It ain’t no good being nothink else here,’ said the Chief.

The Uncommercial thought it might be worth trying.

‘Oh no it ain’t,’ said the Chief.

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