Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

after it had goaded him over two easy-chairs and a skylight,

‘Screw!’

Sometimes it would appear subdued. In fleeting moments, when

bubbles of champagne pervaded the nose, or when there was ‘hot pot’

in the bill of fare, or when an old dish we had had regularly every

day was described in that official document by a new name, – under

such excitements, one would almost believe it hushed. The ceremony

of washing plates on deck, performed after every meal by a circle

as of ringers of crockery triple-bob majors for a prize, would keep

it down. Hauling the reel, taking the sun at noon, posting the

twenty-four hours’ run, altering the ship’s time by the meridian,

casting the waste food overboard, and attracting the eager gulls

that followed in our wake, – these events would suppress it for a

while. But the instant any break or pause took place in any such

diversion, the voice would be at it again, importuning us to the

last extent. A newly married young pair, who walked the deck

affectionately some twenty miles per day, would, in the full flush

of their exercise, suddenly become stricken by it, and stand

trembling, but otherwise immovable, under its reproaches.

When this terrible monitor was most severe with us was when the

time approached for our retiring to our dens for the night; when

the lighted candles in the saloon grew fewer and fewer; when the

deserted glasses with spoons in them grew more and more numerous;

when waifs of toasted cheese and strays of sardines fried in batter

slid languidly to and fro in the table-racks; when the man who

always read had shut up his book, and blown out his candle; when

the man who always talked had ceased from troubling; when the man

who was always medically reported as going to have delirium tremens

had put it off till to-morrow; when the man who every night devoted

himself to a midnight smoke on deck two hours in length, and who

every night was in bed within ten minutes afterwards, was buttoning

himself up in his third coat for his hardy vigil: for then, as we

fell off one by one, and, entering our several hutches, came into a

peculiar atmosphere of bilge-water and Windsor soap, the voice

would shake us to the centre. Woe to us when we sat down on our

sofa, watching the swinging candle for ever trying and retrying to

stand upon his head! or our coat upon its peg, imitating us as we

appeared in our gymnastic days by sustaining itself horizontally

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Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

from the wall, in emulation of the lighter and more facile towels!

Then would the voice especially claim us for its prey, and rend us

all to pieces.

Lights out, we in our berths, and the wind rising, the voice grows

angrier and deeper. Under the mattress and under the pillow, under

the sofa and under the washing-stand, under the ship and under the

sea, seeming to rise from the foundations under the earth with

every scoop of the great Atlantic (and oh! why scoop so?), always

the voice. Vain to deny its existence in the night season;

impossible to be hard of hearing; screw, screw, screw! Sometimes

it lifts out of the water, and revolves with a whirr, like a

ferocious firework, – except that it never expends itself, but is

always ready to go off again; sometimes it seems to be in anguish,

and shivers; sometimes it seems to be terrified by its last plunge,

and has a fit which causes it to struggle, quiver, and for an

instant stop. And now the ship sets in rolling, as only ships so

fiercely screwed through time and space, day and night, fair

weather and foul, CAN roll.

Did she ever take a roll before like that last? Did she ever take

a roll before like this worse one that is coming now? Here is the

partition at my ear down in the deep on the lee side. Are we ever

coming up again together? I think not; the partition and I are so

long about it that I really do believe we have overdone it this

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