fiercely through his eye-glass.
The waiter put down our tureen on a remote side-table, and went to
see what was amiss in this new direction.
‘This is not right, you know, waiter. Look here! here’s
yesterday’s sherry, one and eightpence, and here we are again, two
shillings. And what does sixpence mean?’
So far from knowing what sixpence meant, the waiter protested that
he didn’t know what anything meant. He wiped the perspiration from
his clammy brow, and said it was impossible to do it, – not
particularising what, – and the kitchen was so far off.
‘Take the bill to the bar, and get it altered,’ said Mr.
Indignation Cocker, so to call him.
The waiter took it, looked intensely at it, didn’t seem to like the
idea of taking it to the bar, and submitted, as a new light upon
the case, that perhaps sixpence meant sixpence.
‘I tell you again,’ said Mr. Indignation Cocker, ‘here’s
yesterday’s sherry – can’t you see it? – one and eightpence, and
here we are again, two shillings. What do you make of one and
eightpence and two shillings?’
Totally unable to make anything of one and eightpence and two
shillings, the waiter went out to try if anybody else could; merely
casting a helpless backward glance at Bullfinch, in acknowledgement
of his pathetic entreaties for our soup-tureen. After a pause,
during which Mr. Indignation Cocker read a newspaper and coughed
defiant coughs, Bullfinch arose to get the tureen, when the waiter
reappeared and brought it, – dropping Mr. Indignation Cocker’s
altered bill on Mr. Indignation Cocker’s table as he came along.
‘It’s quite impossible to do it, gentlemen,’ murmured the waiter;
‘and the kitchen is so far off.’
‘Well, you don’t keep the house; it’s not your fault, we suppose.
Bring some sherry.’
‘Waiter!’ from Mr. Indignation Cocker, with a new and burning sense
of injury upon him.
Page 210
Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller
The waiter, arrested on his way to our sherry, stopped short, and
came back to see what was wrong now.
‘Will you look here? This is worse than before. DO you
understand? Here’s yesterday’s sherry, one and eightpence, and
here we are again two shillings. And what the devil does ninepence
mean?’
This new portent utterly confounded the waiter. He wrung his
napkin, and mutely appealed to the ceiling.
‘Waiter, fetch that sherry,’ says Bullfinch, in open wrath and
revolt.
‘I want to know,’ persisted Mr. Indignation Cocker, ‘the meaning of
ninepence. I want to know the meaning of sherry one and eightpence
yesterday, and of here we are again two shillings. Send somebody.’
The distracted waiter got out of the room on pretext of sending
somebody, and by that means got our wine. But the instant he
appeared with our decanter, Mr. Indignation Cocker descended on him
again.
‘Waiter!’
‘You will now have the goodness to attend to our dinner, waiter,’
said Bullfinch, sternly.
‘I am very sorry, but it’s quite impossible to do it, gentlemen,’
pleaded the waiter; ‘and the kitchen – ‘
‘Waiter!’ said Mr. Indignation Cocker.
‘ – Is,’ resumed the waiter, ‘so far off, that – ‘
‘Waiter!’ persisted Mr. Indignation Cocker, ‘send somebody.’
We were not without our fears that the waiter rushed out to hang
himself; and we were much relieved by his fetching somebody, – in
graceful, flowing skirts and with a waist, – who very soon settled
Mr. Indignation Cocker’s business.
‘Oh!’ said Mr. Cocker, with his fire surprisingly quenched by this
apparition; ‘I wished to ask about this bill of mine, because it
appears to me that there’s a little mistake here. Let me show you.
Here’s yesterday’s sherry one and eightpence, and here we are again
two shillings. And how do you explain ninepence?’
However it was explained, in tones too soft to be overheard. Mr.
Cocker was heard to say nothing more than ‘Ah-h-h! Indeed; thank
you! Yes,’ and shortly afterwards went out, a milder man.
The lonely traveller with the stomach-ache had all this time
suffered severely, drawing up a leg now and then, and sipping hot
brandy-and-water with grated ginger in it. When we tasted our
(very) mock-turtle soup, and were instantly seized with symptoms of