Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

sleep, ‘Am I red to-night?’ ‘You are,’ he uncompromisingly

answered. ‘My mother,’ said the spectre, ‘was a red-faced woman

that liked drink, and I looked at her hard when she laid in her

coffin, and I took the complexion.’ Somehow, the pudding seemed an

unwholesome pudding after that, and I put myself in its way no

more.

When there was no market, or when I wanted variety, a railway

terminus with the morning mails coming in, was remunerative

company. But like most of the company to be had in this world, it

lasted only a very short time. The station lamps would burst out

ablaze, the porters would emerge from places of concealment, the

cabs and trucks would rattle to their places (the post-office carts

were already in theirs), and, finally, the bell would strike up,

and the train would come banging in. But there were few passengers

and little luggage, and everything scuttled away with the greatest

expedition. The locomotive post-offices, with their great nets –

as if they had been dragging the country for bodies – would fly

open as to their doors, and would disgorge a smell of lamp, an

exhausted clerk, a guard in a red coat, and their bags of letters;

the engine would blow and heave and perspire, like an engine wiping

its forehead and saying what a run it had had; and within ten

minutes the lamps were out, and I was houseless and alone again.

But now, there were driven cattle on the high road near, wanting

(as cattle always do) to turn into the midst of stone walls, and

squeeze themselves through six inches’ width of iron railing, and

getting their heads down (also as cattle always do) for tossingpurchase

at quite imaginary dogs, and giving themselves and every

devoted creature associated with them a most extraordinary amount

of unnecessary trouble. Now, too, the conscious gas began to grow

pale with the knowledge that daylight was coming, and straggling

workpeople were already in the streets, and, as waking life had

become extinguished with the last pieman’s sparks, so it began to

be rekindled with the fires of the first street-corner breakfastsellers.

And so by faster and faster degrees, until the last

degrees were very fast, the day came, and I was tired and could

sleep. And it is not, as I used to think, going home at such

times, the least wonderful thing in London, that in the real desert

region of the night, the houseless wanderer is alone there. I knew

well enough where to find Vice and Misfortune of all kinds, if I

had chosen; but they were put out of sight, and my houselessness

had many miles upon miles of streets in which it could, and did,

have its own solitary way.

CHAPTER XIV – CHAMBERS

Having occasion to transact some business with a solicitor who

occupies a highly suicidal set of chambers in Gray’s Inn, I

afterwards took a turn in the large square of that stronghold of

Melancholy, reviewing, with congenial surroundings, my experiences

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Dickens, Charles – The Uncommercial Traveller

of Chambers.

I began, as was natural, with the Chambers I had just left. They

were an upper set on a rotten staircase, with a mysterious bunk or

bulkhead on the landing outside them, of a rather nautical and

Screw Collier-like appearance than otherwise, and painted an

intense black. Many dusty years have passed since the

appropriation of this Davy Jones’s locker to any purpose, and

during the whole period within the memory of living man, it has

been hasped and padlocked. I cannot quite satisfy my mind whether

it was originally meant for the reception of coals, or bodies, or

as a place of temporary security for the plunder ‘looted’ by

laundresses; but I incline to the last opinion. It is about breast

high, and usually serves as a bulk for defendants in reduced

circumstances to lean against and ponder at, when they come on the

hopeful errand of trying to make an arrangement without money –

under which auspicious circumstances it mostly happens that the

legal gentleman they want to see, is much engaged, and they pervade

the staircase for a considerable period. Against this opposing

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