sitting at the kitchen table, sound asleep. He had all of his
papers out and his pens and his ink bottles, and he had just
started what looked like a long report to you about the
political and religious situation in Newshore, but he must
have been pretty tired, what with staying up so late last
night, and I wondered if it was because I had been up late,
too, because I was so excited about being made a recorder,
and maybe I shouldn’t have tried to make tea, because I
spilled hot water all over the dirt floor in the kitchen so that
it turned to mud. I didn’t want to bother Ark, so I went
looking for food, and while I was doing that I found his
“facts machine,” which is why you are getting my reports
the moment I write them down.
The facts machine was in a leather satchel by Ark’s
feet, and I couldn’t help but look at it, because Ark usually
throws a fit if I get near it. He says gnomes and wizards
made it and that all you have to do is put a page of paper in
the machine and it sends the page by magic to your library
so you can read all the facts right away. What will those
gnomes and wizards think of next? Ark said only the most
trusted scribes get their own facts machines, and the
machines are the most incredible secret, and I must never
tell anyone about them, and I never have, not even Widow
Muffin, who comes over to see Ark and me now and then
and is the sweetest person, so don’t worry, because you can
trust me.
As I was looking through the satchel I also found the
letter you sent to Ark yesterday, telling him he had better
send in his assignment to find out how people feel about the
Cataclysm (as you call it) and how peeved you were that
Ark had not done so before now. I also read the part where
you said you understood Ark’s concerns about talking to the
wrong people and being lynched, but his job required
dedication, and you seemed to imply that being lynched
wasn’t half as bad as what you had in mind if Ark missed
his next deadline, which was tonight at sundown.
You said that Ark’s assignment was important because
you were concerned that the purpose and lessons of the
Cataclysm were being lost in a sea of deliberate ignorance
and intolerance that could lay the foundation for future
disasters (I’m copying from your letter now), and you said
you counted on Ark and others like him to keep you
informed of the condition of the land and its peoples,
because if the peoples couldn’t get off on the right foot (or is
that feet?), then maybe they never would and one day we’d
be sorry.
Well, I was amazed that anyone wouldn’t know why
Istar had a flaming mountain dropped on it, since Istar was
such a poop nation and went around enslaving and torturing
and killing people, all the while saying the people were
being killed for their own good, until the gods got fed up
and turned Istar into the bottom of the Blood Sea of Istar for
everyone else’s own good. Ark taught me all that, and I
always thought everyone knew that but then I never asked,
and I was surprised to read that Ark said he was afraid to
ask, and I couldn’t figure out why not understanding the
Cataclysm meant we would be sorry later. Are we going to
be tested on it?
Anyway, you had told Ark to send in his report by
sundown tonight or else, and I knew Ark couldn’t very well
do that while he was asleep, so I’ve decided to do his work
for him and surprise him when he wakes up. Isn’t that great?
I’m going to find out what everyone thinks of the
Cataclysm, and I’ll write it all down and send it right to you
on the facts machine, which I took with me. Ark will be so
proud! Sometimes, when he’s bailing me out of jail, he says